Just like me: phan

Just like me: phan pt11

*Dans pov* 

I was shaken awake by Phil, he was standing over me, a very worried expression on his face. 

'Dan, are you alright?' He asked. 

My eyes began to properly adjust as I came back into reality, I felt the tear burn my cheeks and then remembered the dream, and hid my face again. 

'Yeah' I mumbled into the pillow. 

'Really?' Phil asked, he was obviously not buying it. 

'No.' I croaked 

I didn't remember falling asleep, becuase the memory of Phil's 'ugly box' was caught in my thoughts, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't forget about it...but I guess I did fall asleep because that's when I had the nightmare...I was at school, with my group, but Phil wasn't there, which wasn't unusual I guess, so I wasn't that worried, anyway I walked into home room, and my teacher started talking about what a lovely student Phil was and how he'll be terribly missed. The kids in my class all snickered and I didn't know what had happened, I thought maybe he had moved schools, so I asked a boy who was sitting next to me, what had happened to him...he died, suicide, 18 slashes to both wrists. I ran out of the classroom sobbing. 

'Bad dream?' He asked. 

'Yeah' 

He rubbed my back. 'What about?' 

'I don't really want to talk about it' 

I stopped whimpering and turned around. 

'Are you sure Dan? You seem really distressed' Phil spoke carefully 

I nodded. 

Phil nodded 'okay, it's 6am do you want to go back to sleep?' 

I shook my head. 

'Do you want to talk about what you wanted to talk about yesterday?'  

I thought for a bit, and then decided I owed that to phil. 

'Please' I sat up and Phil made eye contact with me. 

'Why did you do it Dan?' He asked, his faces scarred with pain. 

'Phil...' I paused, gathering my words 'I don't know, they made me' it was partly true, they did make me...yesterday. 

'No, not all those other times they didn't' Phil shook his head. 

I sighed.  

'Dan, tell me, if you want me to trust you, you need to tell me why' he had patience in his voice, but he was losing it fast. 

'Phil' I choked up. 

'Dan tell me' Phil urged. 

I was silent. 

'Dan!' 

'Im gay' I confessed, the words just came out of my mouth, like they had been on my chest my entire life, I felt a sense of relief and horror wash over me. 

Phils face was in shock. 

'I did it because, if you were gay, and I beat you, then I was beating the part of me that was gay, I didn't want to believe it Phil, I couldn't tell the truth, my friends would turn on me...I'm so sorry' 

Phil looked at me, I was shaking, my eyes were wet from before and I didn't know what he was going to say. He didn't say anything. 

*Phils pov* 

I didn't say anything, although I felt like I should've, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him, he lied down, and we stayed there, holding each other in dans mattress bed. 

'Phil?' Dan whispered after a while. 'I really did think you were gay'  

I giggled. 

'What?' Dan asked. 

'What makes you think I'm not?' I smirked.