Just like me: phan

Just like me: phan pt82

*Phils pov*

We had a phone call. Thank god. I was so worried about not hearing his voice again. His face was still out of the picture though, as well as his touch...and his taste. I would have to live through that though. For a year, I hoped it was just a year. 2hrs wasn't much, I could talk to Dan for 24hrs straight if I was given the option, I didn't know if it was enough. What if Dan wasn't eating and he didn't tell me? I'd ask him every week, of course, but, Dan could lie. And what if my voice wasn't enough...what if his voice wasn't enough to stop the loneliness.

Maybe I wouldn't be lonely, no, I wouldn't be alone. There's a difference. When you're alone, you can be happy too, there's no-one around, but it doesn't effect your emotions. When you're lonely, it doesn't matter whether people are around you or not, you could be in a crowd of people and still feel lonely. It's a blanket of nothing that surrounds you, cutting you off from everyone else, it's a signal that tells you something...someone's missing.

Dan was focused on the road, his breath caught on every second breath, he'd been crying, and I'd noticed that his breathing became shaky long after the tears had stopped. We drove past the walrus street sign, and a pit of  emotion piled in my stomach. 

Haha, walrus street! Hey, have you heard the wal-

Walrus song?

Yeah, haha.

I smiled softly to myself and bit my lip as I felt Dan's fingers intertwine with mine. We were close to my house, only a few streets away. The sun was out now, which was strange, as it was the middle of winter, but I loved seeing Dan under the sunlight rather than under clouds, so I wasn't complaining.

We pulled into my driveway, and I suddenly felt glued to the seat, I didn't really want to go back in there. Maybe it was because I knew once we started packing, it was the beginning of our separation, or maybe it was because I had so many awful memories in that house, I just wanted to stay away from it.

'Phil?' Dan turned to me, noticing how I wasn't making an effort to leave the car. 'What's wrong, is it your knee?' 

'No, I just...I don't really want to go in there' I murmured.

'Why?' Dan asked. 

'I just...I feel like...there's so many bad memories that come with this house, Dan...I don't like going inside, it just reminds me of how lonely and numb I was...' 

'You don't have to relive the bad memories, Phil. This is also the house we spent our first night together' He smiled. 'And we ate our first pizza' 

'Our only pizza' I noted, before sighing sadly.

'We can get more pizza in a year' 

'What if you find someone else?' I mumbled. 

'I'm not going to find anyone else, Phil, we've been through this, I'm waiting 12 months, and then I'm coming to find you...and we can have pizza every night' 

I laughed quietly to myself, before I opened the car door and hopped out.

I looked out at the tiny house I had lived in for so long, it was cold and the garden was not well kept and out of control. The car we drove to the hospital was parked outside the garage, 

'We can get the stuff out of that car last...' Dan trailed off, as he walked over behind me.

'Alright' I shrugged and followed him up to the house.

We walked up to the front door and Dan turned the knob. Unlocked. Dan bit his lip, and entered. The house was a mess, there were pillows on the floor of the living room, along with the stuff we had left in the hospital room, the kitchen was completely wrecked, with cupboard doors open and the smell of off pizza lingering in the air, it was like this house had been deserted for weeks.

'Do you want to start with your room?' Dan asked.

'Err...yeah!' I smiled.

We walked down the hall way and entered my room, the mattress we had pulled in there the night Dan found me was still there. I looked around at the room I had spent so many nights alone in, and realized I didn't want much from it.

'Okay...so' Dan said, rolling up the sleeves of his hoodie. 'Do you own a few suitcases?'

'Yeah...there's two under my bed' I shrugged. I had the suitcases from moving from my past foster home. They were quite big, and sturdy.

Dan knelt down to pull them out, they were both covered in dust, the black leather was worn and torn in different places. Dan unzipped them both before plonking them on the bed.

'Right' He smiled. 'I'm guessing you want that' He pointed to the lion poster on my door.

I nodded, and went to roll up the poster.

Dan helped me pack all of my clothes, which there weren't many of, and told me I should try to get some new ones, if given the chance, as it would be quite cold in London, and he didn't want me to freeze. I only packed two of my lion toys, along with my x-box. We didn't pack my Buffy poster, as I didn't have anything to hide anymore...I just hoped my new family would be accepting. 

We had filled one whole suitcase, and it had only taken us around 40 minutes.

'I don't really need anything from the other rooms' I shook my head, while zipping up the suitcase.

'I think we should check anyway...I don't want you leaving anything important behind...' Dan trailed off.

Dan took hold of my hand and lead me out of the room, we stopped just outside my bathroom door.

'Dan...I really don't want to go in-' 

'Shh, It'll be fine' He reassured, squeezing my hand. Dan opened the door and walked in, our hands still attached. 'Just wait here' 

He left me at the doorway, as he walked over the basin, and dug through the towel cabinet beneath it. I knew what he was doing, I just wished he wouldn't. He found it, and pulled it out. The ugly box. His facial expression looked pained, as he held the tiny, blade filled box in his hands. Dan stood up and walked over to me.

'We're going to get rid of this, okay?' He whispered. 'But first I want to talk to you about something' 

'Okay' I whimpered. 'What?' 

Dan handed me the box, and paused a moment, shutting his eyes.