Just like me: phan

Just like me: phan pt80

*Phil's pov*

'Maybe I deserve it'

The words just didn't process. I didn't know what to say. No-one deserved that, no matter what. No-one deserved to be treated like they were nothing, especially not Dan. Yes, Dan had made mistakes, and yes, they hurt me, but I would never, ever wish, what happened to me, on him. 

This is one of the reasons why I didn't want to leave, because Dan was impulsive and emotionally unstable, much like me, and we both knew we would'nt do well by ourselves again, it just wasn't meant to work. If I left, and Dan brought the beatings on because he thought he deserved it, I don't think I would be able to cope, and the worst thing is, I probably wouldn't even know if it was happening or not. Secondly, I wasn't sure if they would even turn against him, and let's just say they didn't, if Dan started blaming himself for what happened, and he couldn't get them to damage him...He might start damaging himself.

'Dan...Bear, n-no' I managed to get out. 'Dan please don't say things like that...'

'Why not' Dan whispered. 'I'm the reason why you are the way you are Phil' 

'No you're not!' I yelled.

'I am' Dan murmured. 'Those bruises on your body aren't you, they're me. The cuts on yours wrists are me, the voice in your head that tells you you're imperfect, that's me aswell' Dan gritted his teeth as he began to cry harder. 

I watched him crumble, he collapsed his head into his hands and began sobbing, he looked like a child. I felt bad, none of this was his fault, he was forced against it, he was delusional. I loved him regardless, and I needed him to regain some emotional stability, as we really needed to get back to his house. 

I reached out my hand and slowly brushed it along his back, his breathing began to slow down and he slightly relaxed. 

'Shh' I murmured softly. 'You're none of those things Dan. You're the smile of my face, you're the way my heart flutters every time I see you...and the voice in my head that tells me I'm worth something...that's you as well' 

'I...I'm not' He croaked.

I began to think of what Dan did when he needed to calm me down. I straight away flashed back to our second day together, when he found me locked in the bathroom, and began to sing.

'You're my little walrus, with a great big bow, with a great big bow on your walrus head' I sang in a goofy voice. Dan began to laugh, and took his hands away from his face, revealing a broken smile.

'Sorry' He sighed. 

'It's okay' I whispered, 'Just don't believe you deserve things like that...You don't'

'Okay' 

'Dan...I need something more than "okay"' 

'I promise I won't' He bit his lip.

'I'm already worried. 'What if you start...'I trailed off

'What if I start what?' He asked.

'Nothing' I murmured. 'We should start driving, Dan' 

Dan started up the car. We drove along the highway, fast, like every minute we had wasted was catching up on us. We got to Dan's house quite quickly, it looked just as we had left it the day before, though this time there was a police car parked in the front driveway.

'Your dad's home' I said, as Dan turned the car off. 

'That's weird' Dan mumbled to himself.

Before we knew it the front door to Dan's house flung open, and Dan's dad came running out. I wasn't sure what was happening, but I had learned from past experience, and had a feeling it wouldn't be good.