poetrythunderstorm

not him

so I talked to you and I couldn't stop
and I was worried you would interrupt
or that you were bored and annoyed
but you weren't him
so you let me talk
patiently waiting for me to finish in my pace
and always with that little smile on your face
as you watched me speak

and then we were outside with my friend
and I really wanted to hold your hand
but I was too shy to make a move
worried you would not like it
but you weren't him
so you took my hand
and hugged me from behind
gave me a kiss on the cheek
and whispered in my ear to let me know I'm on your mind

when I was upset I tried to hide my emotions
scared that this could be the last time that I see
you here with me
because what if you leave because I'm too complicated
but you weren't him
so of course you noticed and you stayed to made sure I was okay
played my favorite music
and showed me funny videos that day
just to make me feel better and to make me smile

and still
sometimes I overthink
cause what if i'm too much?
or not enough?
or maybe even both?
but you weren't him
so you gave me no word or action to analyze
because you always made sure to show me
how much I mean to you

so now when I'm laying with you at night
under the bed sheets side by side
I don't feel like I used to feel
because you aren't him
so you make me feel safe
you feel like home
and no matter what
I won't be alone

I am so glad I found you
and lost him
because it wasn't even a loss in the first place

08.08.2021