his star

𝐗𝐋

𝐀𝐝𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚

My fingers travel over the hard surface of his door, moving so delicately that I myself have to focus really hard in order to feel the wooden material.

Knocking on his door for an uncountable amount of times, I tried to make myself noticeable, tried to get him to open the door for me, but my attempts were left unheard.

He isn't in his room which means that I should leave, but I stay. I stay in order to let my hand stay close to him even though he is somewhere else. It's weird and I probably look like a person who has lost their mind, but I don't care because his door is the closest thing that reminds me of him, the closest thing I get that gives me the feeling to still have a part of him.

After ten more minutes of standing, running my fingers over his door and walking along the corridor, I decide to let myself sit down, back touching the wooden material.

And now it's time for me to wait again. I'm waiting for him to come from wherever he might be spending his time right now, waiting for him to reveal his face to me - the face I haven't seen in so long but the face that is stuck in my brain like a picture I hanged on the wall of my room.

I don't think that he knows it, but even when he is not with me, even when he tries to erase his existence from my brain, he will never be able to make me forget him. Draco is everywhere I go but at the same time he is nowhere at all and he is the opinion that his hiding game is making everything easier for me, but the truth is that exactly this makes it even harder.

The farer away from me he is, the closer I want to be to him. The presence of the person I once hated is now the presence of the person I most need and I don't know how to deal with this confusion, this unfamiliar feeling.

Right now, I wish he would at least argue with me, yell at me just so I can hear his voice again and make up a different dialogue in my head, a dialogue that contains all the words I want to hear from him. I wish he would feel the longing to bring me down again because that would at least mean that I could feel his closeness, the heat radiating off him because of the anger that is consuming every cell of his body. I wish he would simply be near me to give me the chance to look at him, to maybe even smell him.

My eyes fall shut, letting the image of him become clearer and clearer until I have the impression to be sitting right opposite him, to be able to touch his face if I would decide to do so.

I miss the way he looked at me and how only with his eyes, he was able to say so much more than every word that has ever existed. I miss the boy whose touch and kiss made me feel things I've never felt before - how he managed to transport me into a world in which trouble and worry were strangers, unknown and non existent feelings.

Draco. I miss Draco more than I probably should.

I don't know for how long I've been sitting here, for how long I've been staring at the boy who is only showing himself in my imagination, but the sound of footsteps reach my ears and before I have the chance to open my eyes, the clacking sound stops.

The image behind my eyes starts to drift away, the grey ocean of his eyes now turning into a foggy area and when I finally open my eyes to take in my surroundings, I see a tall figure standing at the beginning of the corridor.

He is not moving, looking like a shadow because of his black suit, but his hair shows me that it is really him, that he must be a real person and not only a shade.

Draco slowly starts to move again and when I realise that he is not turning in the other direction, I stand up, letting the sole of my shoes meet the floor.