their hero

46

I was back at the beach watching my grandma and grandpa dancing just like old times. I was smiling at them, I missed them too much.

Grandma came and sat beside me after a while.
"Honey you need to go back you know"

"I know but I don't want to leave you"

"I know sweetheart I know"

"Grandma are you proud of me?"

"There are no words to describe how proud I am of you, but I need you to continue fighting" after that they disappeared and now I was alone. 

I was hearing the heart monitor again and voices in a distance, but when I opened my eyes and I had to adjust to the light, I found no one in the room with me. I know something must have happened for them all to be outside the room. 

After a while, the door opens, and in comes Noah in a wheelchair with my sister behind him. 

" Alexa" and with that everyone outside the room is now inside. 

" Why are you crying babe," Noah asks while coming to hold my hand. 

I hadn't realized that I was crying, but it was too many emotions after seeing my grandmother in the dream. I really love everyone in this room but I miss my grandmother too. I was too out of it when I felt someone sitting beside me in the bed. looking who it was because I didn't even see who came and sat. Xander opened his arms for me, him knowing me the longest also knowing what I need without me saying anything. A hug

And that is all it takes for me to be full-on sobbing.  Everything I was feeling just hit me. The danger, The grief of not having my grandmother with me, the almost dying. Xander was robbing my back while whispering to let it out.

" I'm sorry," I say still sobbing.

"It is ok, I know it is all so overwhelming," Xander says

" I saw her, I know it wasn't real but I saw her and it felt so real, even the hug she gave me. I miss her Xander a lot" 

" Maybe it was real maybe not but you still saw her and that will stay as a memory for you." I just hugged him harder, forgetting everyone else in the room, forgetting the pain because this is what I needed right now. 

The doctor came in and took some tests and after that everyone went outside so me and Noah could talk. I haven't said anything to him yet because I really don't know how to. This is the second time he is really hurt because of me, and I don't know if we can come back from this.

" you know even if you just woke up like an hour ago I can still tell you are set on ignoring me, you have not even looked my way," Noah says 

"you keep getting hurt because of me, this one was pretty bad too, you are in a wheelchair damn it!" I say getting upset.

"I knew the risk before we even got together. so I took that choice, it is not on you." 

" But still, I don't think I can do this anymore. I can't go around thinking what if today is the day you will die because of me. I would never forgive myself, I might never forgive myself for you almost dying. I can't even look you in the eyes." 

"before you say anything you regret while in chock I am gonna leave your room. Think about what you want, because there will be no going back after that." And with that, he leaves. And I start sobbing. Again not seeing who came in and not feeling like looking up. 

"it will all be alright," Alana says while hugging me.

"will it tho?, I heard you, I know you want to take me away from them," I say

" it will, and no I am not taking you away from your family"

" But you are my family too, you and Alex, you know that right?" 

"I know Alexa, but they are your parents. I don't think you will be better without them. But I still think you should get away for a while. Come live with me for a couple of weeks just clear your mind and get away from everything." Alana says

"I agree with her, you go and I will talk to Alfonso don't worry about us. We all just want what is best for you" Dad L says now standing at the door.

It took Dad Alfonso to agree for me to get away without them for a couple of weeks but he finally agreed but with the condition that I had to FaceTime them every day and as soon as I want to go home I have to call him.

I gave Xander a letter to give to Noah. With me explaining how I feel and that I need to get away for a while and hopefully I will be back with answers. I feel really bad because in four weeks it's his birthday and in six weeks is the planned family vacation. Or yeah he and the guys are going on his birthday for two weeks and then the family will meet them.

One thing is for sure, and that is I really hope I don't break his heart on his birthday by not going. But this time I really have to put myself first.