The title matched the plot and the storyline but it wasn't the best. It sounds too basic and common. The title of a story is one of the elements of attraction. It's one of the things a reader notices at first glance. Hence, it should have a link to the story, which your title had. But it should also be original. Your title seemed as if it was too common or too simple. Titles like these are often skipped or overlooked by the readers.
» Cover :: 4/10
The cover was simple with light colors. But it was a bit too simple. The colors were light which matches some parts of the story but hides the dark truth. I suggest hinting a little bit of the plot in the story attracts the readers even more and intrigues them to read the book.
One more thing, the fonts used in the book cover are barely visible. The "Heart" on the top isn't completely there on the book cover and the author's name is almost invisible. The cover of a story is another element of attraction for a book. The cover is what most readers choose the books they want to read. It's kind of like a first impression. Fonts are what make up a cover and are one of the most important parts of the cover.
I recommend using italics or cursive for "Heart Disease" and a small but prominent font for the author's name.
» Blurb :: 3/5
The blurb is yet again, another element of attraction for the book. It should contain hints and tiny information about the plot, brief and clear information about the MC. Your blurb was attractive but it had some errors. It had a good amount of information about the MC but not much about the plot. I feel like you used the plot too mostly to describe the situation of the MC in the plot. Not much about the plot itself.
I suggest giving small hints about what the plot should be like in the story without revealing the plot in the blurb.
Dawn :: 3/10
In the beginning, the story was quite normal. The girl gets up from bed getting ready to start a new day at her new school. This is all good and the idea of it wasn't bad. The writing though had some errors. The use of words in places was wrong and wasn't clear. The dialogues seemed to be off and awkward as the use of words wasn't perfect. I suggest you pay attention to the words you use and try to enhance the vocabulary. Same errors were present throughout the story.
Plot and Idea :: 5/20
I have to say the plot of your story was too common and cliche. It didn't pique my interest at all. The male MC goes through a critical health issue and the female MC, who the male MC falls in love with, doesn't know of it until when it gets worse. This is all too common and unoriginal.
The pace at which the plot goes through the story was also too fast and I feel like the characters didn't quite fit in as the character development did not take place in your story. The beginning of the first few chapters was all the same and it was boring to read the same things over and over. One more thing that is boring is reading the same words over and over.
I happen to notice that you use the word "latter" a bit too much in the story and repeating words not only sounds bad but also are boring to read.
Overall your plot was very unoriginal. It didn't have the unique shine which a plot should have. Readers won't be interested in reading something they have already read more than a couple of times. I suggest adding unique and original pieces of writing throughout the story.
Characters and Emotions :: 5/15
The characters were not well introduced in the story. I know that you have added the introduction of the characters in a different chapter but the introduction of the characters in the story is very different.
The emotions of the characters weren't all that clear. The emotions didn't match the situation to the fullest. I feel like this is because of the chosen words and lack of vocabulary. To improve, I suggest enhancing your vocabulary and using new words in your writing.
Writing style :: 5/15
The most frequent mistake found is punctuation. Punctuation is very important as the meaning of the whole sentence can be changed by the wrong use of punctuation, causing confusion to the readers while reading.
Another thing is the portrayal of emotions throughout the story. Personally, I think the story lacked emotion and it's because of the wrong use of words and the fast-paced plotline. Parts of the story dragged on and became too lengthy. Meaning the story didn't have a stable pace, which is essential for a good plot.
Lastly, the situations you have brought upon your characters haven't been explained in-depth and only in brief. The situation has to be explained in depth so that the readers can visualize the situation in their minds, giving more clear meaning to the story.
Grammar :: 10/ 20
There were a couple of mistakes like punctuation and spelling along with tense. The most frequent was misplacing of quotation marks. While writing dialogues, there are a couple of things that should be kept in mind. Tense, punctuation, and quotation marks. The tense was okay in the dialogues. The punctuation and quotation marks were a problem though.
Wrong punctuation in writing or dialogues can be very confusing for the readers and can change the whole meaning of the sentence. Quotation marks can also create confusion while reading dialogues. I suggest paying extra attention while writing to these parts.
TOTAL :: 35/100
Reviewer's Note :: If you have been offended or felt like you've been disrespected, I am truly very sorry. I did not have any intention to do so and am only here to help you and your book. With a little bit of editing, I'm sure you can succeed in writing. I hope the best for your future work.
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