The title is apt and relevant to the plot. It gives the viewer a good idea of the theme of the story and is also quite intriguing. It does it’s job of familiarizing the reader with the theme of the book and also makes them feel interested in the plot. It is also not very commonly found across wattpad.
» Cover :: 7/10
The cover is well made and it gives an idea of the theme of the story. The color scheme matches the title of the story. The font design of the title is really good and conveys the theme of the plot. The black and white color scheme only adds to the darkness of the cover, which is perfect for the plot. . However, I feel like the subtitle is a little messy, and the font of the subtitle is a little odd on the cover. I suggest using a more eerie font. I also think that the size of the font used for author details can be reduced.
» Blurb :: 2/5
Firstly, I think that mentioning “~blurb~” isn’t necessary and can be removed. Secondly, I found quite a few punctuation mistakes in the blurb that need correction. The content of the blurb itself, however, was impressive. The amount of information covered in the blurb was just enough to intrigue the reader. I however have a few suggestions that can make the blurb even better. Instead of “He lives a dangerous life whereas she lives a peaceful and decent life.” , you could use “ He destroyed everything he touched, had trouble following him everywhere. She created with her hands, her entire being was peaceful.” or something like that. After the two very poetic lines before the one I mentioned, it seems awkward to read something normal and not descriptive.
Dawn :: 5/10
The start of the story was written well, but it feels like the first few chapters were used as a method to introduce all the characters quickly. This kind of ruined the pacing. In a dark romance story like this, I feel like slow burn works best. And if not slow burn, a medium-pace plot works well. However in the first chapter, both Ella and Blake are introduced along with Melissa, which makes the pace way too fast. I suggest adding more description to the introductions so that the pace doesn’t seem too fast. I also found a few sentence structuring errors and punctuation mistakes.
Plot and Idea :: 10/20
The plot on its own was quite good. However, there wasn’t any hooking point in the story. Like I already mentioned, the pacing was off and this also ruined the flow. The sudden introduction of characters and information about the characters made the reading experience a little weird. I also thought that the entire “I saw Melissa once and fell in love with her” was unlikely. I suggest adding a bit of backstory to that narrative.
Characters and Emotions :: 8/15
Throughout the book, I couldn’t really connect with the characters. The emotions of the characters weren’t really expanded upon or described properly. The characters almost felt awkward and their personalities weren’t expanded upon properly. All I know about Melissa’s personality is that she’s introverted, shy, likes BTS and hates Blake’s guts. And that is not enough to make me connect with her. In this book, the point of view used is first person, and using this pov usually gives more room for descriptions about the protagonist and their perception of the world. However, this wasn’t executed really well. My suggestion is that you reduce the pace, add more descriptions about Melissa’s emotions. Also add more description about the setting. Like in the first chapter, add more description about the airport, from Melissa's pov. This will help the readers connect with her.
Writing Style :: 7/15
The writing style wasn’t very appealing. The descriptions were mediocre, which led to trouble in understanding the characters. The pacing and flow was off, ruining the connection between the reader and protagonist. What I did like about the writing style was the chapter names. Especially chapter four- “his triumph, her despair”. The chapter names seem well thought-out. I felt like there wasn’t proper use of imagery. I also found that the vocabulary range wasn’t very wide. My suggestion is that you add more imagery. While you write a sentence, search for synonyms of the adjective you used and use a synonym that seems appropriate. This will widen your vocabulary. While writing “handsome” is grammatically correct, using “gorgeous” would make the writing more appealing to the reader.
Grammar :: 16/20
I’ll list the mistakes I found:
» Punctuation errors : specifically in the usage of fullstops and question marks. I suggest beta-reading or proofreading to reduce these errors.
» Sentence structuring errors: Many sentences were way too long, and many ended quite abruptly. For example:
“His hand reaches his red cheek and he looks at me in pure rage. He grits his teeth as his light blue eyes turn a darker shade, shoving daggers into my soul.”
The description here seems choppy because of the small sentences. This could be rewritten as :
“He touches his now red cheek with his hands, his light blue eyes turning a darker shade as they shove daggers into my soul, full of rage.”
» Dialogues: I saw that many dialogues ended abruptly and the same few dialogue tags were used over and over. My suggestion is that you research about dialogue tags and use them. Also expand your dialogues so they don’t seem too small and emotionless.
TOTAL :: 59/100
Reviewer's Note :: This book definitely has potential. The plot is great, however something went wrong with the execution. With that said, I hope my review could help even the tiniest bit! You can contact me if there are any doubts, or if I haven’t covered anything properly. Thank you, and all the best! :)
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