The first time I read the title, it simply seemed like a normal phrase to me Rather than give the inner meaning of the plot and story which every title is supposed to do.
"Be with you" really doesn't make sense to me. Were you trying to say "I want to be with you" which gives a sense of longing or "be with you forever" which gives a hint that the forever might not be possible? The phrase can imply different meanings at the same time and that can be quite misleading.
You want your readers to get the exact meaning you are trying to convey through the title and give them an idea of what they are going to read further in the story.
Words that mean an extreme feeling of wanting, the desire to eliminate loneliness, craving for someone, words that go by these meanings can be a better option for creating an intriguing and unique title.
» Cover :: 4/10
The theme matches the plot however the elements don't represent the story in any way. By that I mean taehyung and the female lead character have been shown standing together while the whole story talks about the effort the OC puts in to get to taehyung.
The frames used and graphics make the cover seem like a poster of a kind and apart from the face claim nothing about the story is shown or depicted in the cover.
» Blurb :: 4/5
That blurb was pretty good. It did reach the required word limit, had a sense of intrigue and creativity.
You can still look out for ways for improving the blurb in any way you can, maybe by changing the writing style or revealing a few more things.
I didn't give full marks only because of the list of achievements given below the blurb. Think of it this way, if a best selling book had the number of awards it got, listed below the summary that comes on the back cover, would it give the readers a good impression and would it look nice in any way.
The option of writing a description in Wattpad is something like the summary on the back cover of a paperback book. So keeping it crisp and creative is more than enough.
I suggest having a separate chapter at the end of the story with the list of achievements and details typed down and published.
Dawn :: 6/10
The book has taken on a good start and carries on the flow well enough.
Although I can see improvement in writing style increase with every chapter. It seems, with time you're getting the hang of the writing and are getting more comfortable with it. And that's how it generally is, so I suggest you write the first three chapters again maybe.
With the current improvement you have got rewriting the first chapter or maybe just editing it here and there should help make it equally better like the latter chapters.
Plot and Idea :: 11/20
The idea at first seemed too offensive, to me personally, to be honest and straightforward. A sasaeng trying to get a famous idol for themselves is a common ideology that's toxic and unethical. Crazy fans who don't understand that idols have a life of their own and pry into it trying to get involved and mess things up for them are ideas that create controversy and arguments.
It was a completely new plot work for me but it was pretty nice reading it. The flow was good enough and interesting.
It's only the description part and writing style that u have to take care of. Like I have pointed out in the other sections, take care of those things and you are good to go.
Characters and Emotions :: 7/15
The description of the emotional quotient of the characters is very less to none.
Just giving an action tag after every dialogue is not considered a part of the emotional sphere. "Okay will do it" the man pursed his lips looking at the bundle of paperwork to be done.
This is just an example where I would like to highlight that the action of the character is just a reaction to whatever that's happening in the situation or a reply to someone's sayings.
Other than these you have to find appropriate times when you can elaborate on the mental state of the character in detail, show their general characteristic traits and talk about their behaviour.
Celeste as an OC needs more words and description dedicated to her since the readers are new to the character and need both physical description and a gist on the mentality of her character.
Writing Style :: 10/15
It's pretty good to be honest. The situations are well written and described as well.
But what I see lacking in the writing so far is balance. The description is not balanced in every situation.
For example, at the beginning, the description about Celeste's tae gallery is explicit but further on there isn't much description about places and fields mentioned at all. Never once was Celeste's character described from a third person pov, both physically and character wise.
Since the female lead is an OC it's all the more important to give proper description of her character's physical and mental traits.
Next, the description is just scarce in places and it seems like you are giving only the details. For instance, when Taehyung finds out Yeontan has been kidnapped and he suspects Jungkook's date and accuses her blindly, how he gets all worked up and loses his control, the whole situation could have been elaborated and written better.
Don't give your readers details; elaborate and explain, help them paint the situation in their mind and see to it that it's understandable and creative in a sense.
Grammar :: 15/20
There aren't many noticeable mistakes or big punctuation errors or grammatical rule breaking as such, but the vocabulary can be enhanced more.
New words structuring of sentences, different writing styles, etc can be inculcated to produce a better work that's more standardized and looks professional.
TOTAL :: 60/100
Reviewer's Note :: Lastly, apart from the fact that the sasaeng idea threw me off a bit the rest was good and I had fun reading and writing the review. Hope these tips come in handy as help you improve with future works. You nice keep going!!
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