First light counted as first impression was not best. The cover is not made by a professional and it really doesn't suit the story book and its theme. It didn't attract me at first sight. It is unable to do so as I might ignore it while scrolling down the stories. First impression is the last impressing, is a saying. You should work on this section by working upon cover and blurb and how to make them attractive. We will discuss these sections in the following details.
» Title :: 5/5
By reading the title, I was unable to predict the real theme of the book. The book seemed erotic by this phrase. But when I read the blurb and moved towards the book, It was a soft themed book instead. But then I got the meaning of the phrase and also the situation you visualized in this book. The title suits the book and its story line and is also attractive.
» Cover :: 2/10
The cover is not attractive. It is just a simple cover with a text written on it which is also unbalanced and unmatching. Even though we should follow the saying, don't judge the book by its cover but still, we can't ignore the importance of the cover. It plays an important role in attracting the readers. It also gives the themes and vibes the book is carrying.
However the cover you have decided to have for your book doesn't have any of the above characteristics. You should seek help from a graphic designer and must be assured about what your book theme is and what vibes you wanna convey.
Keep the theme soft along with the sparks if maroon. Use pastel colors for your cover and add a girl's picture with jungkook's one as well.
» Blurb :: 2/5
Blurb is one of those important parts which makes the first impression cool and plays an important role in attracting the readers. However, your blurb is void of any attractiveness. The perfect blurb is where a few dialogues, minimum one and two-three scenes are described from the story to give a little glimpse of the book. It gives the reader a little idea about the theme and what is added in the book.
Your blurb has only one dialogue and then you are giving the information which doesn't specify the plot line and doesn't give the glimpse of the book. It makes the blurb boring and most of the readers leave after reading the blurb. It didn't attract me and I didn't find any attractive element in this.
What can you do to make it better?
Do the following steps.
» Do not add extra details and explanations. » Add two-three dialogues. » Present one-two characters in blurb and add their description a little bit. » Add two-three scenes from the book in order to give little glimpses in the book.
Dawn :: 6/10
As soon as I opened the first chapter, I saw a gif of taekook cuddling. For a moment I was confused and went back to check whose ff was it. Then I realized that it's Jungkook ff. But I was like why is there an irrelevant gif in the very first chapter?
It makes a bad impression and puts a bad effect on the reader's flow and interaction. The opening gif of the chapter must be one related to the theme/vibes of the book cover or at least according to the theme of the book.
I am not saying not to add additional gifs but do it at the bottom of the chapter and put a divider between your chapter and the gif. It doesn't put a good impression on your readers and can disturb and confuse the flow.
Plot and Idea :: 15/20
I liked one thing about your story and plot: that you broke stereotypes regarding arranged marriage in the fiction world. It's really good to see that you are here to present its joys as well and thought of doing something out of cliches.
But the start of your story was blunt. First person's narration is not bad and you can use it but it's not effective in portraying the story. For story, we should use the author's perspective or third person's point of view in order to portray the scene and characters beautifully.
In the start, I was unknown to the point of view and it was a confusing moment for me as I didn't know who was speaking. You should mention the person you are about to discuss the POV of. It makes the flow disturbing and the reader can get really confused.
One more thing, your focus is mainly on dialogues or just the basic actions. You should try to depict the background scenes and events as well. It does put a good impression on the reader and keeps the reading atmosphere balanced.
Characters and Emotions :: 14/15
Your characters are portrayed really well. Their development, their inner turmoil have been shown gracefully. The emotions are well balanced and kept in control. But only one thing disturbed me the most, was the changing of POV's without any warning or mention. Kindly correct it.
Writing Style :: 13/15
As I have discussed above, the emotional and character development is really well balanced and the plot is also unique. These factors affect the writing style. What I mentioned above in the section of plot and idea had me cut the marks. Other than that, your work is great.
Grammar :: 18/20
Your grammar is greater than others. Other than some article and preposition errors, rest are good. Mistakes like using 'the' instead of 'a'. They are not big mistakes but they affect writing style and reading flow.
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