From a reader's opinion, the book title gets me wondering right away about a story where the main character is a wise man and is probably going to help someone become a king.
But as I look through a reviewer's point of view, not only are the above views a part of what i thought but the fact that the title could use some modifications came to my mind. The title isn't bad and is quite apt considering the story's main plot. However, i find it quite common and believe that a modification to a synonym or something else would have the readers be attracted more towards it.
» Cover :: 7/10
Beautiful and relevant to the story as it is, I believe it can use some changes. First, the throne relates to the story and is fully appropriate for a story focusing on the protagonist helping a person to become the king which in the story's case is from a rival kingdom. However, as the story focuses on two different kingdoms, I think having two different kingdoms with a throne or crown would look better as the cover. Right now it feels a little simple and easily found in books.
Second, the font. A good one for the story theme with a bit of roughness to it, somehow relating to the hardships shown in the story for the kingmaker, Tetsuya. However using emboss or bevel effects would make it much better.
Third, the colour scheme. I must appreciate it because its totally correct. Reminds me of the Kingdom Tetsuya belongs to and its royal line's men's red eyes which makes it perfect.
» Blurb :: 3/5
Gives the total idea of what the story is going to hold for the readers but, i find it a little too short. Probably starting up with a small introduction to the hardships of the people faced in the Red Dragon kingdom and focusing on Tetsuya being a part of those along with his pariah side and then moving onto how he is given a chance so not expected by anyone in their lifetime would look better. You can continue with how the unexpected brings conditions too and then leaving off with a question whether Tetsuya really can fight from his feelings and slavery at the same time or not.
Another aspect I suggest you remove is the part after the credits and probably move it to the first chapter where you have added the additional covers and banners and name it as an introduction. This will make your book more organized.
Dawn :: 8/10
The first chapter is shorter compared to the chapters that continue. However, I don't really find it a big problem as it still comprises almost 1 k words. Your way of describing the atmosphere inside the Kingdom is great, it immediately made me understand how its a palace that has people with no empathy, etc for anyone.
The way you continue in the next two chapters is quite similar too, you did your job to introduce as much as possible about the main characters and their personalities and backgrounds. The way Tetsuya and Ogiwara are two different personalities yet the best duo. The settings are written well with full information about the surroundings and a great way of drawing the reader into reading further and spark curiosity in them by coming to the main topic in the second chapter itself without making it seem like things are being rushed. A great job there I must say.
Plot and Idea :: 16/20
The plot is fairly nice and has its own charm to it. The older times' elements are well used and explained and it gives a smooth and less rushed pace to the story. The small cliffhangers after every few chapters is also nice and not so sudden or too expected. The story plot can stand as an original story idea too since it doesn't require knowledge of the main characters from the manga you have based this on.
However, the story composes an often used concept of making someone trust you to break it. It may come off as boring or too much used but that happens only when the book doesn't have its unique charm. In your case the book maintained that charm, thanks to not only its way of writing but planning.
Characters and Emotions :: 13/15
The characters and their personalities have been described properly, I find it really nice over how solid their personality is given in your writing. Tetsuya and his elegance as a dancer yet his curiosity and passion to protect the people around him even if he is not more than a 'tool' as he thinks himself to be. Same with his brother Ogiwara, he may be older yet the way Tetsuya had described him he is almost like the younger.
Somewhat though, Lord Chen's character though well described according to how the kingdom lives had me conflicted at times. Maybe using more ways to describe his cruelty as well as his softness towards Tetsuya and the kingdom would be better. Akashi's personality and his calm and caring nature towards Tetsuya is beautiful and still at the same time it made me doubt his personality till Tetsuya actually had to leave. The character development isn't that sudden either which is good.
Writing Style :: 14/15
One of the most impressive and strongest parts of your book. A great plot and idea may go fully ignored and in waste if the writing style isn't attractive, lacks vocabulary and knowledge of set ups. And as I went through reading your book, I was impressed with how the verbal and action tags didn't involve any normal language or repeated write ups from previous scenes/chapters. Your book has received fair grades and to me your writing style is the biggest reason after it.
However, that doesn't mean you stop there. I would love to see you improve and expand further within your writing. One great part was how you used the old grammar to match your story's theme rather than going off with the daily life grammar which I will be explaining further in the next part.
Grammar :: 18/20
The grammar and writing style co-relate to each other when it comes to writing. Great grammar with a normal writing style will bring minimal readers but great grammar with a great writing style will bring more and more everyday. Being your first book, according to the small author's note it's impressive that you used the old grammar excellently without many mistakes.I loved how you kept in mind that the royals and pirates use a different style of language rather than using the same style. However, there were really really minute mistakes which though aren't easily found can still affect your book so I suggest going through it again. But overall, the grammar was good.
TOTAL :: 83/100
Reviewer's Note :: Your book is really well written for a first timer and I surely loved reading it. Also, since I found it really well written it was difficult to actually spot any improvements. However, I tried my best to review it and at the same time not sound harsh as if I am plain criticizing the small points I found that could be improved. I hope whatever I wrote in the review was helpful and your book could use the advices given.
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