𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 : ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ sʜᴏᴘ [CLOSED]

ᴅᴇᴄᴇᴘᴛɪᴏɴ

↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ jkvaamtae
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ -ForsxkenBlxes × FAIRIESTK. [Kindly follow them as well. As some major changes were done by them.]

First Light :: 11/20

» Title :: 2/5

The closest word to deception which I could find was betrayal. Who was betrayed? Jimin? He didn't even know Jungkook well. Jungkook himself? He never tried to stop his other half from murdering. Jungkook didn't even acknowledge his other half. Then why use betrayal to title a book which isn't even based on that theme? I seriously didn't get how the title connected with the theme. Thus, I'd recommend going for a title that is much more related to the mystery. For that's what your book is. It surprises us by the murder and leaves us hooked thinking who even murdered Jimin.

» Cover :: 6/10

There wasn't anything we can call unique on the cover. It had a face claim, it had a title. That's it. The cover ends. The cover acts as the center of attraction while having the connection with the overall story theme. But your cover was lacking in that part. The fonts were not that good as well; the fonts of the title didn't match the theme of your book. Jungkook murdered his crush. I don't think I'd go for a plain white bouncy font. And do work on fixing the picture quality of the cover. Thus, I would suggest consult a graphics designer or graphics for the cover, surely it would turn out as per the theme of the story.

» Blurb :: 3/5

Blurb is a short description of a book, film, or other product written for promotional purposes.

However, your blurb was extremely short and of just one line. Trust me, when I say it was not appealing for a book having such themes. Some more and extra details were needed. I'd admit that line was compelling and yeah, everyone will like to see why JK's crush was in a pool of blood. But yet again, it would not do much justification to the main thing and wouldn't be called as an ideal blurb. Thus, at least have a decent amount of blurb of 130-160 words. Don't reveal much but not less as well. Just adequate amount to make the readers allure in to the book.

Dawn :: 6/10

The beginning of anything is crucial. I won't say you book started off well. Your book is slow. I get it. You have a small story to tell. Nothing much. But still, it won't attract much people to read a story where each chapter describes one small insignificant event. And that too a chapter of barely more than fifteen lines. Technically you have written a one-shot if we combine all of your stories together as a paragraph. Maybe the plotline is small but at least have a have 500-800 worded chapter. Or else, people might ending up getting bored and leave the book as soon as they enter.

Plot and Idea :: 15/20

You know what the first thing a writer does to save their murderer protagonist? Yeah, they give them DID. Maybe this was your original idea, I wouldn't know. But this idea is very, when I say very, it indeed is very taken. People will get bored with your book. It's small. It hasn't got perfect grammar and it has an idea which they can just as easily read in other books as well. Try to execute the plot in an unusual way. Don't go for common overbaked scenes and situations. Try something usual in an unusual way or try to relate with realistic scenerios. If you think from that way, you can surely imagine and then pen down those easily.

Character And Emotions :: 10/15

Characters and their emotions plays a very very important role and leaves an essential impact on the story. Thus, they must be in a correct flow and rhythm. But I really can't say the same for you.

Jungkook's angry? Okay. Jungkook's sad? Okay.
But is he angry or sad? Because it didn't feel like that. The only reason I knew he was feeling something was that the scene needed him to feel that something. Where are your efforts then?

Work on the way to portray your characters. Make them relate to the readers. Make every reader feel the heartbreak of getting rejected or the dilemma of rejecting someone. Don't make them assume that yes, we are supposed to be sad now because that's what we have seen characters do in other books, or movies or in real life. Indulge in the characters and their emotions such a way that the readers only read them but feel and connect themselves with them.

Writing Style :: 7/15

The writing style is, basically, the identity of an author. It describes how they write a certain piece of writing. According to me, your writing style can either make your story or ruin your story. Thus, it's a crucial element while writing.

Speaking about your tone and style, it's quite amateurish and bland. Your writing style wasn't good but rather boring. I was supposed to emerge myself in your writing that I can feel and visual each scenerios vividly.

Also, lowercase intended. That's what defines the major chink of your writing style. You wrote in lowercase. Don't do that. Because it is grammatically incorrect to use or write in complete lowercase. You don't see a real book written like that, right? Thus, I would recommend read some good books and not fan fiction or the regular books on Wattpad. But some real-real books and different articles. That would increase your vocabulary and also you would get introduced to many new ways of writing styles for specific themes and all.

Grammar :: 14/20

Grammar is a key element while writing. Without proper grammar, it's not pleasant to read a book.

You have serious issues with tenses. Why is Jimin being described in the past and Jungkook in the present? You are describing the scenerios in two different tense, which is confusing and wrong in the same time. Either past or present, stick with one.

You also need to fix your subject-verb concord. We use an 's' when dealing with a singular object. Or when using personal pronouns (he, she, it). You have missed this 's' in a lot of places. Fix that as well.

You have punctuations problems as well along with tag punctuations ones. You can use Grammarly to help you with such things and slowly you would get a hang of it. And reading books is always a plus point.

TOTAL :: 63/100

Reviewer's Note :: Don't be disheartened seeing the negative comments or thoughts. I didn't mean to discourage you. You just gotta fix the mentioned things and you can do well. All the best for your future works. Thank you.

●◉◎◈◎◉●

Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.