The title is the identity of the story. It suggests what content there might be and how that is connected to the story. Also more or less should be cut to the point.
Speaking of your title, I quite wasn't able to connect it with the overall storyline. At least upto which I read. But if you are using the context of Heaven and Back song, then I would say it was unoriginal and again wasn't related to the story. There was no minimum unique or alluring thing to attract me towards the story.
Overall, I would say that go for some relevant and appealing title with a pinch of uniqueness and simplicity (to the point) at the same time.
» Cover :: 1/10
Cover is always the main thing that catches a reader's attention before reading your book/story. It should fulfill a few aspects such as the connectivity with the plot and its theme, attractiveness, and overall design.
However, seeing your cover, it was clear that you didn't have any intention to make someone read your story. It was just a typographical cover. There was nothing with which I can relate the story with. It seemed like just some texts thrown on a background and the cover was there just because it has to be.
I would suggest that you change your cover to something that is enchanting and relating to the plot and its theme. You are a designer yourself, you can easily make one of your own. Thus, I hope you will take my advice and work on it.
» Blurb :: 1/5
Now the blurb is somewhat the starting of the story and it is the final thing one would check or read before entering to your main story. They should be of a quality length, should contain suspense and/or conflict indicating that the story will be revolving around that conflict. And also alluring enough to attract the reader.
Your blurb was far from these things. It had grammatical errors. And to be honest, it's very confusing to me. Yes, blurb kind of leaves us curious to know what happened and thus we read the book. But there is a difference between curious and confused. I was confused. Again the blurb was too short, it should at least have 120-150 words. There was no specific suspense to pull me towards the book.
Thus, all I will say is, change your blurb to something more interesting and relevant. Try to put some dialogues without revealing much and giving it a touch of curiosity but confusion.
Dawn :: 1/10
The starting of any story is always crucial. If you manage to pull it off, you surely can do good in the further story if you go on with the same pattern.
Speaking of your story, trust me when I say I wanted to leave the story right away after reading the first few lines. There are many reasons for that - grammar, writing style, overall story displaying. I will be explaining more
Then reading the same as blurb in the first chapter was irritating to say the least. Again, I would say that same thing that - go for something unique, hooking yet relatable with the story for the starting chapters. Something that is common but at the same time uncommon, then you are good to go.
Plot and Idea :: 8/20
Your plot or its idea, to be honest, wasn't new or unique. Seeing or reading enemies-to-lovers concept stories is never new on this platform. Now what we go and/or search for such a common plot is the execution; how it goes along with the pace of the story, how is the flow of the story, what twists and related turns are shown and many more things.
As for your story, I won't say that it was a well-executed plot. It was confusing and irrational in many ways. It had plot holes, I would say. Let's see the MCs' relations, they both knew each other from childhood yet the female lead never got to know about male lead's mom and all. Isn't it a bit weird and kind of illogical?
Thus, I would suggest that you come up with some unique ideas, twists and turns in order to make your not-so-new concept into an interesting concept. If you are able to do that, surely you can succeed.
Overall, you gotta work hard on characters' behavior and all, and their emotions. You can first sort out what type of character you want for your story, and what will be their personalities according to the story. And then gradually try to implant the required emotions in them through your writing. And after that, you are all set to go.
Writing Style :: 2/15
Writing style is all that can make a simple story turn into some interesting story at the same time can ruin any interesting story. It's the identity of the author.
Talking about your story, then I would say it was quite dreadful. The spaces between words, dialogues and dialogue punctuations; all were messed up and confusing to understand.
Absence of proper tags (verbal and action) made it confusing as in who is speaking or doing the thing. The paragraphing was jumbled. Uppercase and lowercase problems were too.
It was hard at times to understand whose point of view was going on. Narration wasn't the best either. Writing style is also the reason why your plot, characters and their emotions didn't turn out as it should have or as it was supposed to. There was no richness in words. No new phrases or terms, which might have created more impact in certain areas were there.
Overall I would say that try using a more enhanced and organized way to present your plot. Not that you have to use foreign words or something. Just have to recognize which style and tone go well for which theme/genre and fix up the mentioned things, and then your story would be a good one.
Grammar :: 4.5/20
Grammar is the one of the crucial and most important parts of any writing. Without it, the story is as good as dead. And you, my dear, need quite a lot of attention in this part. Now I can't be a teacher to make you understand from scratch. But, I surely can guide you with the most prominent mistakes. Those are :
» More than one person's dialogues in one paragraph is incorrect to use. Every new person's dialogues will be in a new paragraph.
» Wrong use of tags punctuation rules.
» Absence of punctuations when needed and misuse of them when not needed.
» Sentence forming needs more attention.
» Typos and spelling mistakes were very noticeable. Proofreading is necessary a lot.
Other than these, small mistakes were here and there. Overall, I would say that you need a little more guidance with your grammar and not to mention you need to do proofreading every time you write. It's a must.
TOTAL :: 20.5/100
Reviewer's Note :: Don't be disheartened by seeing the low marks. Rather try to improve the places you are lacking in. Read books, and by books I mean real ones, not those cliché ones. Read quality books and fanfictions. Once you get a hold on it, you will surely do better. All the best. Thank you.
![𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 : ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ sʜᴏᴘ [CLOSED]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/287210578-64-k299057.jpg)