𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 : ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ sʜᴏᴘ [CLOSED]

ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ

↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ tpwkforevermore
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ bxephr0dite

First Light :: 11/20

» Title :: 2/5

The title was okay, it sounded interesting and also will probably attract readers but it just didn't sit right. It could've been put up in a better way like a second chance or something like that but despite that the current one's good too.

» Cover :: 6/10

The cover's simple and neat, it looks aesthetic and the background matches the plotline and vibes/theme too. It's just the details could've been more intricate and the placing of the titles & subtitles also looked awkward. The subtitle isn't visible nor am I able to read what's written, it's too small. And the author's account and the credits of the graphic designer were placed awkwardly too, it would've looked better if the account and credits were given side by side using '|' this symbol or if it were rearranged. Right now the credits and accounts first catch my eye rather than the title/subtitle. Nonetheless the effort was good.

» Blurb :: 3/5

Firstly I just want to say that a good blurb should carry sufficient info and tiny hints about the plot and it should also contain a brief elucidation about the characteristics or the personality of the MC(s) and maybe a little about their backgrounds. But the most important thing is while writing it you should never give out your plot. Here you gave too little info and the thing is the way it was written did seem a bit dull and unappealing, although it was simple, short and neat it should contain more and have better vocab and/or sentence construction. Also there were some grammatical mistakes too so those should be proofread too, descriptions of a story aka blurbs are one of the two main things which attract readers to a story, in this case I think the blurb did let me down a little.

Dawn :: 8/10

The first chapter was really good and it definitely had me captured in it. Your vocab was good too, just one thing is that the sentence construction could be improved and there were some grammatical errors too here and there so those should be corrected. The writing was a bit informal too and while that's accepted, writing stories formally looks and sounds better. Other than that everything else was alright, just proofread once and correct accordingly.

Plot and Idea :: 13/20

The plot was cliche and I had read similar plots in other stories. Cliche plots are of course acceptable but if not written or plotted out correctly they can be very dull. This one was okay and while it was fun & interesting to read the scenes and characters were kind of predictable so there's that but nonetheless it was fun to read.

Characters and Emotions :: 9/15

The characters were fun to read and the vocab used made them more interesting too, the emotions were there too but not too much. I'd suggest trying to rewrite or edit it to make the characters feel more relatable to the readers and make them more realistic. But despite that I enjoyed reading about them and they were good too.

Writing Style :: 12/15

Your writing style was good and your vocab was very interesting too, just the sentence construction is slightly faulty. One thing is the way you wrote your dialogues, dialogues should be proper and should be written with proper action tags and verbal tags.Your descriptive language was good too, it was just a bit informal so that should be corrected or edited to make it more formal and proper.. A story should have proper grammar and language and should attract and capture readers. You clearly have a lot of potential in writing and the effort here was good, it's just the things I've mentioned that need correction.

Grammar :: 14/20

As I've mentioned before that you need to work on your sentence construction, it needs some polishing and your grammar too isn't correct at a lot of places. It's a bit messed up in some chapters and the dialogues also aren't written properly, nor do they have proper verbal tags. Besides grammatical errors and punctuation I have no other complaints. The effort was good, just the factors I've mentioned need to be corrected and it'll be perfect.

TOTAL :: 78/100

Reviewer's Note :: I really liked reading this story since the mafia/romance genre looks appealing to me more (I'm a sucker for good romance plots TT) so it definitely was fun to read and I would of course keep reading it and reread too if updated & completed. It was all good, just the stuff I mentioned needs to be proofread and it'll be a bomb read.

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.