𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 : ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ sʜᴏᴘ [CLOSED]

ɴᴏᴠᴇᴍʙᴇʀ sᴛᴏʀʏ

↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ  Harry2411
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ  _wxld_thxstle_

First Light :: 15/20

» Title :: 3.5/5

The title is fairly unique and original. It has a nice feel to it, and goes along well with the main theme of the story.

But you have to keep in mind that more than autumn, the book is based on unrequited love, which bloomed when the main lead was a small boy. So, it would've been better if you had gone along with something which was just as beautiful but connected to the story more.

» Cover :: 9.5/10

The cover is really pretty. The colors and the editing and the font, everything is just amazing.
The contrast between the moods of the two people is complementable. I liked the font placement too, it’s impactful and has a nice feel to it.

The half mark was taken off because initially it was difficult to see the second person.

» Blurb :: 2/5

A blurb is important for a story, considering it gives a short view of what the story could be, how it might proceed, simply attracting or exciting the reader. Thus, it is very important for the blurb to be perfect.

Your blurb isn’t really relevant to the entire story. They are friends as kids, and they’re playing around, in which the girl makes the boat sink. Apparently, the boat was similar to the boy’s feelings, as it is conveyed later.

The message is clear enough, but the blurb had to be analyzed several times before I realized that for her happiness, she always ignored, or maybe never saw what exactly made him happy. But, it’s quite complex and cryptic, to say the least.

There are a few grammatical mistakes in the blurb. There shouldn’t be any in a blurb, since it tells the reader more about your grammar and vocabulary. I would suggest some editing here. Also, it isn’t exciting or alluring, like a description is expected to be.

So, I would suggest you make it somewhat less cryptic and more interesting.

Dawn :: 5/10

The start of the book, the first chapter which is considered as a prologue, since it’s a one-shot, is the same as the blurb. And I have already stated my opinions and subtle suggestions on it.

Moving on, to the beginning of the story, it isn’t as interesting. The story kicks off with a simple start containing a boy by the Han river, watching two kids who reminded him of his old friend. It is slightly disorganized; it is merely a recollection of thoughts, so you should’ve placed each thought, each memory specifically and elaborated it, adding the real emotion after it. It’s not really pleasing, and seems rushed at a point.

But what made it special, was perhaps that the story started with his memories and his love. It is very much going along with the theme, so it’s good enough.

Maybe you can add something different to the prologue, which will be more exciting and interesting. The start can be somewhat more clear and organized.

Plot and Idea :: 13/20

The plot isn’t unique and original; there have been times when such plots have been used in elaborate stories. The idea can be called original; the storyline isn’t usually executed this way.

The plot doesn’t have many plot holes, but it makes me wonder how the girl could’ve never realized that Taehyung loved her so much. He did several things for her, and it is clearly mentioned in the story that his eyes radiate the love he felt for her. But she never really got to know about it.

Otherwise, the storyline is just fine.

Characters and Emotions :: 9/15

The characters and emotions are really important for a book; the reason a book is written is mainly to narrate or tell what the main changes take place in the characters or emotions, at least in this case.

But, you failed to convey the emotions appropriately. Though Taehyung can be felt in the story, it isn’t as impactful as it can be. The emotions can be conveyed in a much better way, using a better writing style and some better words.

The characters were just fine; Taehyung wasn’t quite relatable but he surely can be a memorable figure, since he loved the girl till she got married, and made sense, since his love didn’t vanish just like that when she got married.

About the female lead, well, though the story basically revolves around her, her character isn’t conveyed. Whether she’s sweet and cute, or maybe just comes off as a simple girl. If she’s shy and introverted, or hesitant, or just bubbly and cheery.
This hasn’t been tended to in the story, and is a major drawback since she’s a main lead.

Writing style :: 7/15

Your writing style isn’t really nice; it gives a slightly messy and disorganized view to the reader.

The way Taehyung’s thoughts just keep skipping to the next incident, without actually letting the reader absorb his emotions regarding the first one isn’t pleasing. It just makes the story fast and rushed, which is not appreciated. Also, the sudden change in the point of view and time (days after a Y/n’s wedding) is slightly confusing.

Overall, it’s quite rushed and outlined.
So I suggest slowing down, taking time and writing every emotion and incident intricately, with details (not too much since it might get boring), and then move on to the post-wedding scene.

Grammar :: 13/20

I’ll start with the vocabulary, since there weren’t as many grammatical mistakes in the beginning.

Your choice of words is quite bland and common. It’s not interesting, and it fails to convey the actual emotions you want to convey.

Maybe you can try enhancing your vocabulary using various websites and games that offer you the facility of it. And reading books with good vocabulary and amazing word choices is always a recommendation.

There aren’t as many grammatical mistakes in the part which is Taehyung’s letter. But there are several tense mistakes in the next part. It is written in an entirely wrong tense.

For example, here:

You picks it up using your nails and brings it closer to your nose as you close your eyes while sniffing.

Here, the tense used for the verbs is wrong. Though both of them are present tenses, their categories are different. It should’ve been “pick” instead of “picks”, and “bring” instead of “brings”.

You need to edit the complete part where these mistakes in tenses are made.

Besides, minor editing is required to fix some other grammatical mistakes.

TOTAL :: 62/100

Reviewer’s note :: The story is quite beautiful; the concept you’ve picked is a delicate and sweet concept, though equally heartbreaking. The execution of the book and the word choice can be improved, and once you do that, the story is bound to touch the reader’s heart.

Hoping you understand the mistakes you made, edit them accordingly, and go on to make several people cry with your angsty and beguiling story, good luck!

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.