𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄 : ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ sʜᴏᴘ [CLOSED]

ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ᴏғ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

↻ AUTHOR ࿐྄ྀ  bulletproof__army
↻ REVIEWER ࿐྄ྀ  Dimwitted_Muttonhead

First Light :: 15/20

» Title :: 3/5

The title matched your plotline and so far it does sound good. But in my opinion, I would say that it’s too commonly used. Titles like these tend to be overlooked because of how popular and how overused they might seem. Overall the title was good, but changes can be made.

» Cover :: 5/10

The cover was one of the things that impressed me. I love the fonts and the alignment and placing was perfect. The rose was kept in the center as roses are one of the key elements in your plot which was a smart move on your part. It matches the plotline well.

But I would say that the cover was just a bit too simple. Yes, it was pretty but covers are one of the main elements of attraction for a book. Many readers choose books by the cover. The cover could have been more appealing with face claims of the MCs or maybe something more than just a single rose and paper on as the background. One more thing. I believe there was a small subtitle at the bottom above the author’s name. I tried squinting as hard as possible but I still couldn’t read it. Try to make the fonts a bit bigger.

» Blurb :: 3/5

The blurb was good overall and held little info about the plot. The blurb is also one of the main elements of attraction for a book. It’s a small summary of how the plot is written. I feel like the blurb itself was too short in length. It only had a little information about the plot and two sentences coming from the MCs. The dialogues were a nice touch and I liked that, but the information you shared in the blurb could be written more in-depth. It should also contain some info about the MCs. 

A blurb should have proportionate information about the story. But the most important thing is you have to keep in mind that the plot should never be revealed in the blurb as it would take away the fun in reading onwards.

Dawn :: 5/10

The story at first was well written and the vocab was very good as well. It was good overall. Not much to say as it’s just the beginning of your story but it was good. The first chapter which I counted as the prologue was well written and I liked it. The problem is that you used the same dialogues from the MCs that you used in the blurb. Maybe try changing that bit.

Plot and Idea :: 10/20

I liked the plot and this genre in particular. Stories like these are a favorite of mine. But they are also common in the Wattpad world. The plot was very well written with good words but just the plot itself is just not original. It’s a common and rather easy plot to write on. As your story is just in the beginning, you could do so much later on. The way you started the story was good and has lots of room to come up with a plot twist and more.

So far this is all I can say as it’s just the start. Overall it was a good plot and I liked it. Just a bit too common.

Character and Emotions :: 9/15

Okay, so the characters were well described. The words you used were very similar. Just that most of the time some of your words are too intricate and don’t match the scene or its vibe. It feels awkward and the same for the dialogues. Wrong use of words was also used and the dialogues sounded very off. These are the main problems.

The emotions part was well. You portrayed the emotions with good words. But also the same problem appeared in some places. Wrong use of words broke the vibe of the scene.

Writing style :: 8/15

Your writing style is off to a good start. Throughout the story I can see your styling improving but sometimes also going back to the same. Try to keep a fixed pace or speed on which the story will go on.

One thing I wanted to mention was that while writing, paragraphs are one of the most important parts and it’s definitely something you should pay attention to. When you write your paragraphs have a character involved. It's very important to know when to create a new paragraph.

In your story your paragraphs were messed up and messy. At first glance it didn’t look too appealing. Then while reading the story I had to read one line more than a few times to understand the writing not because it was poorly written but because the paragraphs were not well made. Your paragraphs are like this:

Kim Namjoon, a man of principles who respected all people regardless their background was an agent, a person who had saved countless lives and swept away the lives of traitors with nothing but a flick of his eyebrow and a stern expression.
But..
To the editor he was a dimple lord who he worshipped with all his heart for his bravery, wisdom and strength enchanted him. The two brothers were known as destruction duo where one would break things and the other would mend it for him
Both loved each other so much but like all awkward siblings they could not say that simply. Something one could easily make out with how they acted towards each other.
A playful but a strict and a protective bond which none got a chance to see, but those who saw were blessed.
Nevertheless, with a disgusted expression Namjoon said, "You better stop right there or else I am moving out of here."
…
...

But how it should be written is:

Kim Namjoon, a man of principles who respected all people regardless of their background was an agent, a person who had saved countless lives and swept away the lives of traitors with nothing but a flick of his eyebrow and a stern expression.

But to the editor, he was a dimple lord who he worshipped with all his heart for his bravery, wisdom and strength enchanted him. The two brothers were known as the destruction duo, where one would break things and the other would mend it for him.

Both loved each other so much but like all awkward siblings they could not say that simply. Something one could easily make out with how they acted towards each other.

A playful but strict and protective bond which none got a chance to see, but those who saw were blessed.

Nevertheless, with a disgusted expression Namjoon said, "You better stop right there or else I am moving out of here."

Afterwards the ellipses aren't needed as you can simply write “A long silence followed.”

In this way your sentences are easy to read and look more neat as well.

Grammar :: 15/20

Your grammar was pretty good. The paragraph mistake is the biggest one and is present throughout the story. Other than that punctuation and wrong use of words in places is also there. I suggest getting an editor who can help with these things.

TOTAL :: 58/100

Reviewer's Note :: Lastly I will say that I did not mean to offend or disrespect you in any way. I am just doing my job and I have to be honest about my opinion. I think the story will turn out to be a great one. Good luck for the future chapters.

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Yours Truly,
SeeSaw Fam.