Bittersweet Silence |KTH Fanfiction|

66

Alright...guess I better get this awkward part over with...

After coming inside from playing in the leaves with Taehyung you pull out your phone and throw it on your bed, your heart aching when you see the multiple missed calls and unopened texts from JinWoo lit up on your screen.

He's been calling me all day...but I really don't know what to say to him...

Plopping down onto your comforter and grabbing your stuffed lion you prop your back against your bed frame and hold your phone up, the screen immediately filling up with JinWoo's face covered in oil and worry.

"Baby! You answered!"

"Uh...yeah..."

I don't know what to say...

"I've been trying to call you all day..."

"Yeah...sorry...I just...didn't have much to say...are you busy?..."

"I'm on break right now actually...Baby....I am so sorry about yesterday...I don't know what got into me...I just...I got so frustrated about not being able to talk to you...and you being in a new school and all...I don't know..."

Awkwardly shifting in your place on your bed you let out a small sigh, your lips pushing down into a dread filled frown.

I feel like I'm looking at a stranger...why do I feel so weird suddenly...

"JinWoo...I...I.."

"Baby I know. I know things have been weird because of the long hours I'm working....but everything I'm doing I swear I'm doing it for you...I want to get you out of that life you're stuck living with no one that listens to you or knows you...but I don't want us to start out in a rat infested apartment...I want us to have a nice place...where we can live together and be away from all of this...I plan on quitting this place and getting a better job...I...I'll do anything baby I swear...I just don't want to lose you..."

Feeling your eyes fill up with tears you take a deep breath and wipe your face with your sleeve, your lips pushing together into a thin hard line.

"I...I know you're working hard JinWoo...I'm sorry I'm being so distant...I just...maybe...we..."

Raising your gaze to the boy staring at you with desperation glazed over on his eyes, your heart raising to your throat stopping you from being able to speak.

"Baby...please give me another chance...I promise I'll make it up to you..."

Why do I feel so conflicted all of a sudden...did I really...for a second...consider...

The only thing you can muster is a sharp nod as a wide grin stretches out across JinWoo's face, his tone returning to the chipper happiness it usually holds.

"Baby I promise I won't ever hurt you again. Trust me I'm so close to getting the money that we need if you can just hold out until Christmas time I swear I'll have the money by then and I can change our lives."

"O-Okay...y-yeah...s-sounds good..."

"I have to go now...my dad is going to yell at me....but I love you so much baby...I hope you know how much you mean to me."

"Y-Yeah...I-I do....L-Love you t-too..."

After the phone screen finally goes dark and JinWoo's face disappears you let out a small strangled choke before you completely burst into tears, your arms tightly wrapping around your legs as you shove your face into your knees.

Why do I still feel this horrific guilt?!

I thought it would go away once we had that conversation but now I feel so much worse!

JinWoo cares so much about me...he's literally working himself to the bone wanting something better for the both of us, he's doing everything that someone you love should do...

So why does it annoy me so much now?!

Raising your head and wiping your eyes you throw your lion plush across the room before laying down on your bed, your chest filled with heavy guilt as you stare out your window at Taehyung's house while wrapping your blanket around your body.

I feel horrible about myself...this is the worst I've ever felt in my life...I feel like I'm suddenly the bad guy in this situation...I don't know what to do...

Shitty school...shitty parents...and now I'm being a shitty girlfriend to the only guy that's ever showed a bit of care for me and my life...

I can feel something inside of me changing...it's weird...almost like I've become so content with how my life is...I really don't want to change how it is right now...Yet at the same time I want everything to change all at once...

The only time I don't feel that way is when I'm with Taehyung...it seems like when he's around my life makes sense...he doesn't look at the bigger picture all the time...he's fun...and down to earth...even more so than JinWoo is....

Scooting your body down so you can look into the window of Taehyung's room where he sits in his bed sketching away at the book you got him a tender smile immediately stretched across your tear stained cheeks, the odd feelings in your chest completely disappearing and replaced with admiration and warmth.

See...even when I look at him...I feel so much better...I feel so calm when I get to look at him...

I guess...I used to feel that way about JinWoo...he was my very lifeline......I guess....I guess he still is....but that was before he was working all the time...and I moved..at least sometimes I could catch a cab to his job and take him something to eat...now we're hours and hours away from eachother...

Maybe...could...could JinWoo and I...possibly...

Be starting to drift apart from all of this?...

(A/N): This took me forever 😌💜