in too deep,, | bill cipher x reader

- chapter 8 -

After four hours of practicing hovering, reading, and laughing, I check the time, 1: 22 a.m. Both of us sat up against our beds across from each other. Things settled down as we both got swept up reading all the books around us. I was absorbing so much information my mind started to get exhausted. I look up at Bill, surprised that a creature so prone to chaos could look so serene. Forgetting my book, I begin to admire the demon in front of me. With the soft lighting around us, filled by a single lamp and a few candles, the light bounced off his pale skin, illuminating just how clear his face was. His golden-brown eyes stared intently at whatever he was reading, his chest rising up and down as he breathed. For a demon, he looked like an angel, ethereal. His body adorned a very comfortable-looking yellow sweater and black sweats.

"I know I'm attractive, but would you please stop staring? Your eyes are burning holes into this very comfortable sweater." He commented, looking up from his book and making eye contact with me. I quickly snapped out of my haze, realizing I should've known better. He was reading my mind the whole time.

"Sorry, I just- to be honest, I'm still shocked that this is happening. Don't get me wrong, this is a literal dream come true. I just feel that I'm here for something. I mean, why would I get brought here, just cause? I don't think that's plausible. I know I didn't bring myself here, so why else would I be here? If it was that damn Axolotl, then he must have his reasons. I just have questions and no answers. Not to mention, yeah, as I said, you look ethereal. I don't know how I managed to stay on task before this." I finish, admitting the thoughts out loud. He chuckles devilishly, putting his book down.

"I have my theories, but being honest, I couldn't care less about what he has planned. I have my plans and aim to succeed. With you now by my side, I believe my chances of such success have tripled. I've never been more enamored, almost bewildered by a human before. You are an anomaly, a confusing puzzle that I aim to figure out." He stands up and walks over, bending down directly in front of me. He grabs my chin and turns my head in all directions as if inspecting me. I lightly giggle, slightly confused. He straightens my head, and we look at each other, our eyes not daring to leave each other.

"Why?" huh, I tilt my head slightly.

"'Why?' What?"

"Why? Why do you make me question things I never had to before? You sell such an amazing deal that obviously serves me more than yourself, and you know it, so why? Why are you interested in me? Why do you wanna become a god? I thought humans treasured their minimal lifetimes. Why do you think the way you do? It baffles me." He confesses. Perplexed, I try to think about what to say. A little distracted by just how close his lips are.

"Bill..." I take his face in my hands, cupping his cheeks. I pull him forward and kiss his forehead. I put my head on his and look into his eyes. I see fear.

"Like I am a puzzle to be put together by you, you are a tangled mess I am meant to unravel. I'm aware I'm not normal, and I've never been happier. About the deal, I want you to bring me experiences never before seen. I want to see and learn about things I never knew existed, a spark of passion so strong I don't think it'll ever be put out. This whole day has been the best of my life, knowing with you, I can have as many of these days as I want. I don't have to be bound by humanitarian limits anymore. My soul feels free, like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Because of you, my spark of passion became a flame that has ignited my soul with more life than I have ever had before, and I will never be able to thank you enough. So about your first question, the deal seems to be in your favor, but the fulfillment I have received from the said deal could never be matched."

Tears spill from his eyes, and my face fuzzles in worry and confusion as he turns angry and just as confused. Aggressively trying to wipe the tears that seemed to flow endlessly, he scratched his neck and face, grabbed his hair, and curled it into a ball, tears flowing even harder. I realize he's having a panic attack. That is as stupid as it sounds because of genuine happiness, a feeling I don't think he experiences enough. I contain my giggle, finding it a little funny but also saddening. It makes you realize just how hurt he really is. I slide over to him and grab his frantic hands, putting them around me. I take his head and put it on my chest. Now curled in a ball on my lap, squeezing the life out of me as he sobs, lays Bill Cipher, the notorious frightening demon nobody really knew. I run my hands through his hair and rub his back, squeezing him lightly to calm his rushed breathing. He snuggles into my chest, accepting the comfort and care he's receiving, probably for the first time in his life. Holding him as if he was made of glass, I try to find every way I can comfort him.

"You don't have to say anything or do anything; just lay here and enjoy the comfort. I know and understand how you feel. You want to believe everything I say, every action I make you want to believe it's because of what I said, but your ego aims to put doubts in your head. You want nothing more than to be loved and cared for, stuck by, and understood, but so many things in your long, long life have shown that to be impossible. Leading you to believe a demon like you could never love or be loved. I'm sorry for everything that has ever happened to make you form such beliefs. I'm sorry for all the pain you have had to go through in your life, all the disappointment, anguish, and loneliness. I wish that you go through none of those things with every fiber of my being again. So listen to me when I say, William Cipher, I'm very aware I have only really known you for less than twenty-four hours, but I feel as if these last few hours have lasted a decade, them being the happiest of my life, I want you to know exactly how I feel. I am enamored with you, not the idea of you, not what you can give me, but you. Your being, voice, personality, wisdom, everything. I adore everything about you. I don't know why I can't tell you why. But I know I've never been drawn more to a person than you, even before we made the deal before I even appeared in this world. The urge to pull me to your statue was so strong; my body felt like it was in a war. It felt like if I waited for one more second to go see you, every atom in my body would implode. You were pulling me towards you like a chain, chained to my heart and soul. Now that I'm here, I'm not leaving, and I plan to prove every one of your doubts wrong." Wishing I could read his mind right now, I'm pouring my heart out to him.

"Now, I ask of you something I know is hard to give, your trust. But I'll prove I'm someone worth giving your trust to as time continues on. Be completely honest with me, and I will happily return the gesture. For now, I don't want you worrying about a single thing. I ain't going nowhere." After finishing my heartfelt speech, I fully understood how stupid I sounded but brushed it off after seeing Bill look up at me. Looking to be calm now, he responds,

"I do trust you. A lot but-"

"It scares you, I know, to be even a little co-dependent on another."

"Did you learn how to read minds during your little speech because what the fuck (y/n)?" I giggle at such a remark.

"No, Bill, I didn't. If you remember, a little earlier, I explained what a psychologist was and what therapy is correct. Psychology allows me to read your body language, tone, and almost your mind and infer how you feel and why you feel the way you do. It's something I could study for eons."

"I do trust you. You haven't given me a single reason not to, but what you say is absolutely absurd, unbelievable, however... I will give myself a chance to believe it and allow myself to feel these odd yet satisfying feelings. Thank you (y/n), sincerely. I know all of this is out of character for me. I just don't know how to deal with these feelings, and you seem very well-versed." Like he said, out of character, but damn, was that sweet. I smile and nod knowingly.

"Glad we got that clear, but after such an amazing speech, I'm feeling a little tired, so imma get ready for some sleep, I'll help you with your feelings tomorrow, and after work, we can practice some more. Does that sound good?"

"Sounds great, sweetheart." He lets go of me, jumping up and cleaning himself off. He extends a hand to help me up, and I gladly accept it. He swiftly pulls me up and into his arms. Kissing my forehead, he then hugs me hard. I try to embrace him back, but it ends just as fast as it happened. I giggle at how much of a tsundere he is. I hoped he didn't read my mind, but he did.

"What's a tsundere?" He questions. In response, I start to laugh.

"I'll tell you tomorrow."