Monsters in my head

Why?

" And once we were off school grounds he asked the dreaded question 'why?"
Allison's POV:

I looked down and he grabbed my hand and I turned to face him. " please... why did you try to kill yourself? We care a lot Allison, I thought you were getting better.." he trailed off. I stayed silent for a moment before saying " You wouldn't understand Ash." in a whisper, I thought he didn't even hear me. He lifted my head up with his finger and looked me in the eye's. " Allison I can damn well try to understand what going on. please, what's wrong? " he asked and I grabbed his hand and we walked over to the park and sat on the swings. " I can't begin to explain it to you Ash." I say looking at the ground, he shakes his head. " Take your time Allison." he said and I closed my eyes and started to explain. " I've been depressed for a few years, you know this. But I had someone that made me happy and then people started to get into my head. saying that he was only dating me cause he thought I was easy. One of my ex friends than started to say I was being used so he could get the girl he actually wanted. I let them get in my head even though I really wanted it to work. he was so nice, I thought it would have worked. But my anxiety took over and I broke it off after a week and 2 days. He played me for a month and then when I thought I had a chance he friend zoned me and then he day after he got the girl. I'm happy he's happy, but it just hurts so damn bad Ash. After that my friend now ex friend went and told people that I had a crush on her and that I wanted to fuck her. the whole school found out. my parents were picking fights with me a lot more. I was going to sleep crying most of the time. I was wasting you and Jessica's time. I was useless , I wasn't getting anywhere in school. I didn't know what to do, or how do anything. I was getting told I was a useless shit by my hole family every freaking time I did something they didn't like. I was starting to think everyone was better off without me. I still do think that, but when I started to find ways to kill myself it got bad. each time I thought if something worse. My thoughts got so much more dark, and I just didn't feel like living. so yea that's why. I'm so sorry." I say and I finally burst into tears, and it wasn't just sobbing it was heart wrenching my world caving in sobs. my hole body shook, and ash just came over to my swing and picked me up. He carried me over to a bench and jut held me. rubbing my back and I could tell he was crying to. My sobs ha dies down after a while, but ash and I never let each other go. he eventually said " Allison I may not have know that long but whoever the fuck this guy is DOESN,T deserve someone like you. Your so much better and deserve more than that. he was a fuckin twat and lost a great girl. Your "family" was being dicks and you are worth so much. I don't ever want you to die. and I want to help you but I don't know how. please, don't ever think you should kill yourself because no one loves you because Jess and I love you a lot. " he said and pulled back and looked me in the eye's " come on let's get you home." He said and then we walked to my place.