No Regrets, Only Memories

Existential Dread

Daniel

Cloud nine was what people typically called the place I currently sat. There was no better feeling than winning a race and having someone cheer your name, let alone the thousands of people that were cheering my name as I poured my celebratory shoey. There was one person I didn't see when I greeted my team at the end though. The one person I was looking for and had to tell why I had been so off.

It had taken so much effort to finally agree with myself that I had to tell Maeve what my feelings were. I didn't know how to do it and I was worried that if I tried before the race to say anything to her I would let the words come tumbling out of my mouth. It had given me a cold edge during the week despite my attempts to maintain small talk with her when we were around each other. I couldn't focus because all I was thinking when talking to her was 'don't say it' which is fair since we had been around other people the whole week. There hadn't been a single moment of free time with everything that had to be done. With a win now provided to the team though, I had a moment to speak to her. If I could find her...

"Has anyone seen Maeve?" I asked Chris as he was passing around the constructors bottle of champagne after our team photo.

"Not since the start of the race. Wasn't she at the podium?" I shrugged, unsure because I hadn't seen her while I was up there. She had avoided celebrating before, but my gut told me that something was wrong.

"Check your rooms?" I nodded to Chris before stepping away from the celebrations in the garage.

A few people stopped me for congrats and photos, something I'd always give them. It was a small thing when the team was the one that put in all the work on the car and I was just there at the end of it. The downside was that it took me almost half an hour to get from the garage to our driver rooms. I couldn't help the buzz of nerves that hit me as I neared the stairs, only for it to come crashing down into dread once I reached the bottom of the steps. Things had clearly gone south as someone was heard raising their voice from downstairs.

"What the hell?" I said to myself as I bound up the stairs, taking them two at a time, only to be met with Christian leaving her room.

He looked a bit disheveled, which wasn't surprising given the win and the constructor's points. The team had been celebrating and jumping around like lunatics. That was something that I took with a grain of salt though as he approached me.

"Incredible job today Daniel. Congratulations on first." He gave me a pat on the back then before leaving down the stairs, not allowing me to get a word in as he was clearly upset about something as well. He didn't even have a smile on his face.

I didn't even stop as I made my way to Maeve's room. There was no point in knocking as I knew she was in there given the yelling from before. What I didn't expect was for her to have tears in her eyes as she packed her bag up to leave despite still being in her race kit.

"Maeve, why are you crying? What the hell happened?" I asked, closing and locking the door behind me to give us some privacy.

"Don't worry about it Daniel, go celebrate your win. You did a great job today." She sniffled as she moved towards the bathroom, but I grabbed her shoulder to stop her.

"No, I don't care about that right now. What has been going on with you?" My voice raised slightly as I pulled her to look at me. It made it more obvious that she was upset and whatever Christian had said was not good. She had tears streaming down her face and her eyes were the puffy red that only comes from trying to hold them back for too long.

"Daniel, get out of my room and go drink your champagne. I'm not in the mood to talk anymore." The conversation I had asked for was long forgotten when I heard the yelling before. Now wasn't the time to talk about our feelings.