No Regrets, Only Memories

Honesty

Daniel

I knew that I would be shunned when I came back from summer break and announced that I was going to a different team. This was extreme though. They were barely discussing the car with me. Which, fine, I'm not the most machine savvy when it comes to the cars and I never had been. Yet if I could only do four laps in a practice session, they should be explaining to me what was wrong and how we could fix it. Instead, I had to run to Maeve and ask her what was going on with the car and within the team as she was privy to the engineering information that was both hidden and less understood for me.

She explained everything to me in her driver's room as we sat on the couch together. She explained every technical detail in a way I could understand and told me how they were going to fix it. She gave me a few engine modes and things that I could do to help the car when it ran into the same problems we were having. I was grateful for her doing that and taking the time to explain it all to me. I was raging by the time I finished that night though. The marketing and media team had kept me for an extra two hours to sign some things and do a few videos. By some things, I meant a pallet of posters and a few boxes of helmets. I was tired and my hand hurt by the time Michael and I were back in the car.

It was made worse by the fact that I had to go back to my room alone without Maeve, flopping facedown on the bed in frustration. She hadn't said anything about it though and I didn't want her to feel like she couldn't have her space during the weeks we were on track. Plus, she wasn't the one going through a team transition like I was. Christian was making sure to keep him in her good graces right now. She was hot property on the grid. If any of the bigger teams caught interest in her, they could easily buy out her contract. It would put her in a better position and it would get her into a better situation. She would come out ahead here. There was no way she wouldn't surpass me when the time came. She simply had more time.

I didn't hold any animosity towards her for that. She deserved it just as much as I did and she simply had more time than I did. Of course, there were guys in the grid in their 40s and some before me that lasted even longer than that, but I didn't want to pretend that my time here wasn't already numbered. It was an ignorant way to look at it when we were in a sport as highly physical as this one. With Fernando retiring this year, it made me wonder if I should start thinking about my out soon too.

My phone buzzed on the bed next to me, ripping me away from my thoughts.

Maeve D.
Hey handsome, feeling up to a roomie? ;)

The message was simple, but at that moment I didn't want what she wanted. I wanted her to sit here with me in silence, as we had before. Part of me wondered if I should text her back. No part of me wanted her to feel like she couldn't be happy when I was sad. I didn't want her to live in the dark parts of my mind with me. It was easier to hide it than drag someone down with me. That's when I realized that it was a mistake as I rolled over and faced the wall to bring my phone closer to my face. Maeve had been very clear that I wasn't to hide anything from her that could cause us to fight. That was the last thing that I wanted was to have us fighting as well when I'm already down. So I texted her back, using the same words she had used on me before.

Daniel R.

Honestly, I would really like to be held in your arms right now...

I hoped that it wasn't too much or too forward. I don't know why I would think that when I was talking about marrying her. She was my everything and I had no reason to hide my feelings or weaknesses from her. She would always be there for me, just as she had been all these years

Maeve D.

What room are you in?

I sent her the room number and it didn't take long for her to knock on my door. Without any words, I stood up and walked to the door to let her in. She had her backpack on her shoulder and she was wearing the same Nirvana shirt she always slept in and a pair of short shorts. She took one look at me before dropping her bag and wrapping her arms around my waist.