Cuddle Buddies - Niko Vilhelm Moilanen | Blind Channel

Confused

The next two days after I had gotten to know Joe passed without other incidents. I hadn't seem him once but instead, I had almost all my courses with Anna and also some with Janne, Freya and Hilla. As expected, the girls talked a lot during the lectures and especially in the breaks, whereas I stood next to them and listened. I didn't see a reason to say something because we didn't have any topic we all could talk about and thus, I listened to them talking about parties, TikTok trends and other topics I wasn't interested in. Sometimes I wondered why I even spent time with them because it didn't take me any further, neither was it good for my mood. Well, probably it was because of Anna because she was the best friend I had here in Helsinki. And one rather good friend is better than no friend, right?

At the moment, we were having lunch break. While sitting around the huge table and having lunch, Freya started talking about concerts, she so badly wanted to go to. I had never been to any concert and til a few months ago, I hadn't been interested in going to one. I never understood the hype about gigs and why you'd listen to music which is extremely loud while being surrounded by hundreds or even thousands of people.

However, now that I had kinda dived into this rock, nu metal and also violent pop scene, I somehow wanted to go to a gig at least once. I suddenly saw the point that it must be an amazing experience to listen to a band live with many other people who loved the band as much as you did. Probably that's a unique experience connected with so many emotions. Hearing songs that mean a lot to you live must feel even more touching than listening to them alone in your room, I thought. Even though I could have said that I understood Freya's wish, I didn't join the talk. I couldn't exactly tell why but probably it was again the fear of telling something about myself.

Since I wasn't interesting in hearing more about how much Freya adored Harry Styles, I quickly went on Instagram to check if Niko had posted a story or a new picture. I truly missed this man and used every chance I had to text him or at least look at some pictures of him. Suddenly I had an idea. Maybe I could check if Joe had Instagram and find out something about him by reading what he wrote about himself in his biography. Quickly, I typed in „Joe Cotela" and I actually found a profile that seemed to belong to him because I could recognize the man on the picture.

As I typed on the profile and looked at the biography, I was confused. Well, the emoticon of a bike and a biceps made sense, he truly seemed to be athletic judged by his big muscles, he looked like a beast. But why was there a rainbow flag?! Was this man gay?! But why then did he talk to me in a way that sounded like flirting to me?! Was it just the way he talked to everyone and it didn't mean anything? Not that I wanted to be in a relationship with him, I still was in love with Niko, but of course I liked the thought of such an attractive guy flirting with me. Confused, I turned off my phone and concentrated on eating my last piece of pizza.

But before I could take my last few bites, I suddenly felt a pair of hands on my shoulders. „Hey cuties", a man's voice said and after thinking for a second, I could identify the person the voice belonged to as Joe. „Hey Joe", my friends immediately answered and smiled at him. Apparently they also had lectures with him, because why else should they know him? „Hey", I said quietly after everyone else had greeted him. „How are you?", he asked and sat down on the chair next to me, now he was looking at me. Was he talking to me or to all of us?

Since nobody else responded but they instead came back to their old topic, he apparently actually talked to me. „Quite good, what about you?", I told him my obligatory answer. I always said I felt quite good, even when I didn't feel good at all. Only very few people knew how I truly felt and I didn't want to change that. Telling the truth would only give people I couldn't trust a chance to hurt me. „Glad you feel good. I'm fine, too. I'm having a busy week with all this university stuff I have to get used to but otherwise I'm good. Got to know very nice people", he grinned at me.