Cuddle Buddies - Niko Vilhelm Moilanen | Blind Channel

My sore spot

When I came home, I couldn't stop thinking about Joe and Niko. These two boys somehow managed to captivate my mind all the way home, But as I sat on my small couch and cuddled up to my cozy blanket, it was only one man who I could think of: Niko. In these few weeks since we had gotten to know each other, we spent so much time just lying on one's bed, sofa or floor, surrounded by blankets and cuddling with each other, just like I did now – with the small difference that I was alone now. But not only alone, also lonely. Again I was lonely, only because I missed this man so much. I missed him so freaking much, I missed feeling him close to me, I missed his gentle touches, how he so gently caressed my body, I even missed his scent so much! I would do almost everything, if only I could hug this person now.

In just a few weeks he had turned to my comfort space, my safe space. He was the only person where I could really be the person I was or wanted to be! Without him, I probably wouldn't have tried painting my nails because I would have been too afraid of other people's opinions on that. As I thought back to that, I looked at my nails which still had a thin layer of black nail polish on top. Apparently Niko's polish was of a good quality, otherwise it probably wouldn't look that good anymore. But that was what it did: It looked good. Not only the polish itself but also the color on my nails. I liked the way, I looked with them, I truly loved that style. „Thank you, Niko. Thank you for helping me becoming the person I want to be", I whispered even though he obviously couldn't hear me.

Before I eventually almost started crying out of self pity, I decided to make some tea and take a good book to read. Probably I should rather study for university and rework my last lectures but I knew I couldn't concentrate on that anyway. That's why figured, reading a book I had already read a few times again, was the better option. Doing this, it wouldn't be a big problem when my thoughts wandered back to Niko because I knew the content almost by heart. A few seconds later, I stood in front of my bookshelf, trying to decide on a book to reread.

It didn't take me long time to decide on „The last leaves falling", I had already read this book at least four times, even in different languages and it was never boring. Even though the book was incredibly sad and heartbreaking, it told so much about real friendship. Back in high school, I even wrote in essay of four pages about it when we had to write at least two pages about any book or movie we liked. To me, this book was one of the most emotional but also one of the most beautiful and most meaningful ones I had ever read.

I hadn't started reading the first chapter yet as my phone made a sound to notify me about a new message. Hoping it was a message from Niko, I quickly grabbed it and typed in my code. Unfortunately, the message I had gotten was not written by Niko but to my surprise by Joe. „Hi Sofia, what are you currently doing?", he texted and after the „doing", there was an emoji that should probably represent a hug. What should I answer now?, I wondered, I can't tell him I'm lying on my sofa trying not to cry because I miss the man I love so fucking much. That's why I decided to answer „Reading, what about you? Spending time with your girlfriend?" even though I hadn't started reading yet.

As soon as I had sent the message, I regretted it. I was afraid my last question sounded it jealous or what ever, but I was just honestly interested. His message has actually confused me because a) why would he write me now? b) he told me he'd spend time with his girlfriend and when you're with your girlfriend, you don't text other girls, do you? Since Joe was still online, he immediately answered. „Reading? Sounds boring", Joe wrote and as a response to my questions, he added „I'm watching Netflix. Ilma (my gf) had an appointment. If you don't have something better to do, wanna go for a walk with me? Some relaxation after a busy uni day can only help, can't it?"

And again, he added emojis to his message. I couldn't remember another man who added this many emojis to his messages. I always thought only kids do that, but not grown up men, especially not those who look like a beast like a Joe did. But he was right, going for a walk always helped me to calm down and forget my worries for a moment. Maybe it could help now, too? At least I hoped so because I definitely needed some kind of distraction. I couldn't lay here almost crying only because I missed this man so much!