Cuddle Buddies - Niko Vilhelm Moilanen | Blind Channel

Hurt

After a moment of thinking that obviously couldn't last too long because it would have been noticeable too and could cause Joe to suspect something, I decided to slightly nod. „Yes", I whispered, avoiding Niko's gaze. I didn't dare to look him in he eyes, I was afraid of seeing the emotion in them. But although I didn't want to see his reaction now that Joe was in a room with us and we couldn't talk about what was bothering us, he managed to somehow tell me about his emotions in another way. I could feel him moving closer to me, additionally, his right hand applied a bit of pressure on my thigh.

Wasn't he happy with my statement? But why? Why does he act like I'm his girlfriend and not available? Is that what he wants? Does he feel the same for me as I feel for him? But then why does he regularly tell me about his fears concerning relationships? I had so many questions in my head but I couldn't answer them, they seemed so paradoxical to me. I could sense that Joe wanted to ask another question or at least say something – probably about Niko's reaction that didn't look like he'd agree with what I said.

But before he could say something, Niko luckily asked Joe a question. „Are you in a relationship?" Oh no... This wasn't the best question. It sounds like he wants to check whether he had a competitor in Joe. „Yeah, he has a girlfriend", I answered quickly. I didn't want to let Joe talk because I was afraid he wouldn't say the truth or provoke Niko for a while. I simply wanted to calm Niko down like this. Even though he had no right to behave like this as long as I wasn't his girlfriend, although that was exactly what I wanted to be, I wanted him to not see a competitor in Joe. His behavior now definitely told me that that was what he did.

The pressure of his hand on my thigh weakened as soon as I had said that which caused me to quietly breath out in relief. But unfortunately, this relief didn't last long because with his next words, Joe told me I was wrong. „No, I'm not. We broke up a few days ago." What?! He can't be serious. No, please not! „Oh. I'm sorry", I looked at him. „No, don't be. It was me who decided it was time to break up. I realized that I didn't love her anymore, otherwise I wouldn't have liked someone else that much", Joe lifted his head so that now he looked me directly in the eyes.

„So we're both single now. That's cool right? But maybe we can soon change that, like, both of us, at the same time? I mean, if Niko's only your best friend he shouldn't be bothered by us getting closer together. And we could see what will eventually develop from that", Joe suggested smilingly and winked at me. He talked as if Niko hadn't been sitting next to me, as if he hadn't been here at all. But he was.

And I didn't like the fact that he was flirting with me in front of Niko, I didn't want to be thrown into such a bad situation but I didn't see another option than the following to tell Joe I wasn't interested in him without admitting my feelings towards Niko or what was going on between the two of us. Apparently I wasn't the only one disliking this question because now, Niko moved his hand from my thigh and wrapped it around me, pulling me even closer to him. Was this his way of saying „She's mine"? He behaves as if I was his girlfriend, but I'm not. Is this his way to give me a hint about his feelings? If only men weren't that complicated to understand... And at this point, I knew we definitely had to talk, I had to tell him about my feelings somehow. But how, without triggering his fear?

„No", I said. „No?", Joe repeated what I had said, visibly confused by my answer. „No. The fact that I'm not in a relationship with Niko doesn't mean I want to start something with you. I'm not interested in anyone at the moment and I want to keep it like that. I'm happy without a boyfriend", I told him, trying so much to hide the trembling in my voice, to hide the fact that I was telling a lie.

Not only Joe was now looking at me disappointed. As I looked at Niko, I could see that he was hurt. He tried to hide it but I saw it in his eyes, he was disappointed, he was hurt. I knew he wanted to pull his hand back by the tension that I could sense even through the hoodie I was wearing but he left it where it was, probably to not show that he was hurt. It would only prove Joe's assumption that there was more between us. And maybe he also wanted to hide these feelings from me?