Never Change but Never Stay the Same

Home Again

TW/// Eating Disorders, Blood, Mental Health, xyz etc

Taylor pov

"So she is going to be defensive about the meal plan." Lindsay says.

"What has been done in the past?" I ask.

"I emailed the meal plan to you. Not letting her see it until she figures out what it is is the most effective."

"I assume she is defensive upon just not knowing." I claim.

"Oh she definitely is. I think half the battle is just getting her to start. It won't be perfect. But also you tracking what happens each time meals come up. It's going to need to be structured for at least the three main meals can you be with her during those?"

"If I can't be there for dinner, which we always do after her IEP, I can have one of my friends or Austin either be with her or take her for the night. I understand you not wanting her alone a bunch, I will be better about that."

"I'm not looking for you to change your entire lifestyle Taylor I understand how busy you are with prepping for tour, but I am just asking for you or someone to be with her for meal times so she can't give the excuse of 'i've already eaten'".

"Yes fully understood."

"Okay we can go back in." Lindsay says and I open up the door.

The nurse took Paige's restrains off when the first bag emptied so she is currently rolled herself into a tight ball on the hospital bed.

"Hey Paige I will see you tomorrow okay?"

"Sure." She whispers out.

...

Paige Pov

I can't let this happen ever again. But I don't know how to stop it either. Nothing ever feels like it is in my control since living with Taylor. Or maybe it's that I can't handle authority. Who really knows.

Except that when she goes on tour I am with her. Depending on what city she needs to be in, I switch houses with her. She is on me about school all the time.

So what I can control or at least try to is my weight. I freaked out because I have been feeling like I was maintaining. This slip up if you will was never supposed to happen.

I only snap out of the spiral of thoughts when Taylor says, "Hey sweetie they need to do one more bag and then we can go home."

"I don't want to." I say.

"Honey you need to medically."

"Why can't we just go home." I say starting to cry again.

Before she could respond to me, a nurse comes in and says, "Paige we need to restrain you again."

To tired to fight it, I just sit up in the bed and place my arms on the arm wrests and she cuffs them. And I bring my feet apart for her to do my legs.

She attaches the bag and I cry out a soft plead of "No."

Nobody hears it.

I close my eyes as she makes it start, I never will figure out how it actually works, and she states, "I will be back in an hour. We will do vitals one last time. and then you will be good to leave."

"Thank you." Taylor states as she is closing the door.

She grabs onto my hand and starts rubbing it which only leads for tears to go down my face again and for Taylor to say, "Shhhh darling don't cry it's okay you're okay i'm here." to try to calm me down but I only start crying more.