Never Change but Never Stay the Same

We Need to Talk

*trigger warning ed and anxiety*
Paige Pov

After coffee and a quiet ride back to her apartment, by the end of the ride Martha fibally says, "What do you want for dinner when we get back?"

Terrified I respond, "Um nothing I'm not that hungry."

Martha doesn't say anything but I can feel the immense amount of concern that she has right now.

So I just say, "Actually do you have a granola bar at all?"

"I have protein bars, would that be appetizing to you?"

"Yeah sure." I say not really wanting to eat at all but knowing if I don't Martha will want to talk to me.

We get back to Martha's apartment and she gets a protein bar from her cupboard for me, and I just bring it to the couch with me.

Realizing I didn't ask her if that was okay I turn and say, "You don't mind if I eat it here right?"

"No I don't mind at all." Martha says and joins me on the couch.

Then Taylor texts me.

Hey Sweetheart was wondering if everything is alright

I respond saying

everything is fine mom

okay, I will be there at 9 to pick you up.

okay sounds fine. I say still kind of annoyed that she is trying to date Calvin again.

Martha has switched the channel on the TV to be Gossip Girl by the time I look up from my phone.

I notice my phone being on a low percentage and say, "Hey Mar, do you have a phone charger? I forgot mine."

"Of course. I can plug it in for you. But then you and I got to talk about something." She says which sends rays of anxiety shooting through my body.

"Um okay." I say and just hand her my phone.

I sit my leg shaking, until she comes back, my hands start shaking too, so I just grab a pillow and hold onto it because they will stop if I hold onto something.

I figured that out with Cushing my therapist a couple weeks ago.

"What do you need to talk to me about?" I say.

"Paige you worry me, and so does Taylor, which is probably why you don't worry her as much as you worry me."

"Why?" I say in a whimperish tone.

"Paige I know you aren't eating. I saw you a month ago I think, and I'm saying this completely out of concern, you have lost weight. You need to be honest with me, is Taylor doing anything? Is being with her-"

Martha starts saying all of this and my only reaction is to just get up from the couch and walk into the bathroom and lock the door.

Martha doesn't jump and follow me, probably because I remained so calm doing so even though I now feel like I can't breathe.

Thoughts are soaring throughout my head.

Is Martha going to try to have me sent away from Taylor? Is Taylor not healthy too? Did I really lose a lot of weight? I am still healthy though, right? Like I am living so I'm fine.

I'm hyperventilating, my hands are locked onto the bathroom counter top as my vision slowly starts to go.

Martha opens the door to the bathroom slowly, after about five minutes and I am on the ground knees to my chest shaking at this point.