Never Change but Never Stay the Same

We Need to Figure Out What is Going On

*chaper has mental illnesses briefly described, just wanted to give the trigger warning as adhd, anxiety, trauma and ED is all mentioned some more than others*

Taylor Pov

I got on Paige about caring more about school again about a week ago. To my surprise ever since then she has taken upon the role of being increasingly hard on herself.

I haven't ever seen her be stressed really unless it was about what she was going to wear for a photo shoot. I don't exactly know what instituted the drive she now has for school but something did.

However, she still has a hard time focusing. Paige will work hard on something and then start spinning in her chair starring at the ceiling. She gets frustrated at herself when I have to redirect her.

She also has this constant leg bounce thing with her right leg mostly. I have a leg bounce thing when I'm nervous, I'm actually insecure about people seeing it because I think it makes everyone else nervous. However for Paige, it's constant, it's like a vibrating hamster toy things that we played with in the 90s. It's like always shaking when she is sitting down.

I also started noticing her gripping her pencil so hard lately, it indents her notebook pages that she can only write on one side of the sheet of paper otherwise it would rip, and I think it's because her hands are also shaking but she doesn't want me to see.

I know she doesn't want me to worry. She doesn't or hasn't felt care in such a strong way before. Of course she has felt a lot more being with me but I think she has put a wall but for so long that she doesn't know how to have someone worry about her anymore.

I was talking to her about touring the other day and how she might have all her school done before tour this time, as I've asked her to play guitar and we've lined up modeling jobs in different countries for her, and she suddenly out of the blue was talking about something completely different than what we previously were and she seemed excited equally in both topics.

Selena told me she might be experiencing adhd. She knows a little bit about it because of when she was with a therapist for her anxiety it got brought up in the conversation.

While Paige is asleep currently, I am looking it up and shaking being all over the place, especially focus appears throughout many websites.

Since it's late at night I end up emailing Paige's current therapist who has really been helping with her having trauma from her childhood and also recovery from an eating disorder she developed quickly being with me.

Nobody really exactly knows how she started being super causious around food, but Paige would eat so much in one day and then tell me two days later that she was still not hungry, since she was thin to begin with, it was easy for anybody to notice the fifteen pound rapid weight decrease within two weeks.

She had gotten better now, that's what I thought started her shaking just her sugar levels being low constantly but I've realized that's not it as she now will eat everyday with me. Sometimes not the largest meals but I know recovery for an ED can take a long time and I'm supporting her completely through this.

I am hoping her therapist will say that we can test Paige for adhd as much as I don't like to label things, I think it will be better for her and I to know if this is what this is or if it is some form of anxiety or learning disability.

...

Paige Pov

I just feel so off lately. I don't know what is going on when it comes to my focus, I'm having anxiety about eating food again, especially as we are approaching time of going on tour again real soon, and Taylor and the crew always have large meals after shows from all the exercise they are constantly doing. I don't want answers to why I can't focus when it comes to school. I don't think Taylor knows that I'm trying.