Restricted | Draco Malfoy

35

Back to how things were supposed to be. Back to how things were before that night that felt like a dream now that I looked back on it.

Draco had avoided me every single day after he visited my room— I wonder if it's because he regrets how many soft moments we stole from one another when we knew what our deal needed to be. He never ate meals with the rest of us, and the elves just dropped them off outside his door. No one spoke of him, nor did they seem to notice his absences.

He hardly left his room at all so he wouldn't have to see me again. Guilt overtook my senses the longer I went without seeing him leave that bedroom. He had himself locked away inside of his own house just so I would be more comfortable without him around. But if anything, the lack of his presence made me feel so... uncomfortable. He shouldn't feel a need to lock himself away so he doesn't have to be around me. We could be civil and normal— but maybe this was him going right back to his coping mechanisms to stop thinking about me.

I knew that avoiding me had always worked out in his favor in the past, especially after he admitted to using distractions to stop his mind from lingering on the thought of me for too long. But is it working? I have found myself thinking of him more and more the longer I went without seeing him, knowing he was just a few feet away from my bedroom behind a set of wooden doors.

Lucius will be so pleased that things are going in his favor. Draco and I aren't speaking again, and it seems like it's going to be this way for a very long time. I just wish the heartache hadn't settled in all over again.

But I had done that to myself. I had been feeling okay until I let him hold me the way he did that night. I had been fine with where we were standing until I laced my fingers with his and felt how soft his hands were again. I broke my own heart when I smooshed our noses together like we used to do in secret, and let my forehead fall against his to rest.

It needs to be done, Juliet. Just let it finally be over. Let him go.

I was done. It was over.

I was letting him go... because I care that much about him and his safety, I would let him go.

Our nonexistent relationship could finally move on. I didn't want to keep living like this— in a constant battle with my feelings towards Draco. It felt like it drained me instead of fulfilled me. It brought me exhaustion instead of peace. Our world couldn't have vulnerability because that was a sign of weakness. The last thing I wanted to be was weak.

I knew he was in the same exact boat, and our feelings replicated one another like a mirror image. I would rather avoid him every single day for the rest of my life and be happy than have to be stuck on the idea of him and what could have been.

But I wasn't happy without him, and I don't think he was very happy either. I guess that was part of the hard part.

All good things take time. These were just some bad days, but it wasn't a bad life. It always works out in the end.

Or is it that all good things must come to an end?

Fuck. I need more motivational quotes to get me through this bullshit. Maybe I should buy one of those little desktop calendars with the daily fucking notes of optimism or positivity or whatever.

I finished putting my things in my trunk when I heard a knock at my door. That's when my stomach really turned into a brick that dropped straight to the floor.

"Come in." I called out, still facing away from the door. I felt my muscles start to tense. This manor was full of just as much stress and anxiety as it was full of blood wards and old magic.