Irreplaceable

chapter 45 | reality

JASMIN MARTINEZ

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I could see it in his eyes the regret he held yet he continued with his facade. He didn't want me to witness that he was forced to do this. And for a moment I believed him. I fucking believed the illusion he wanted me to believe.

His eyes, almost like a warning sign, were telling me to leave, to escape. But I couldn't, my body was numb and my feet were stuck to the wooden floors of his room. I was frozen, trapped in my biggest nightmare.

Leave, leave, please leave.

He continuously chanted with his eyes to leave. I should leave. I should turn around and run away hoping this is just an illusion. However, I couldn't. I couldn't escape his ugly truth.

Breathe, fucking breathe.

I couldn't breathe, the oxygen left my lungs as I sobbed out his name. He betrayed me, and the worst part was I trusted him. As he spoke back, the illusion disappeared and reality seeped in.

"Finally, now I don't need to act as if I love you."

Though this time I saw his soul leaving his body. I saw the little glimpse he didn't want me to detect. I saw the pain it caused him to say those tormenting words.

"Please, don't fucking believe this." He pleaded with his eyes. I read them, I read his eyes.

I took a step in his direction to stop Karla from hitting his arm and warning him. She smirked looking at Chase in his hopeless, defeated form.

As I was about to grab her hair and spin her around, another voice barely audible spoke up. "W-Why?" She sobbed out. I turned around to see myself standing at the door. My tears ran down my face as I saw them together and I could see my body starting to shake.

I was having an anxiety attack.

And nobody helped me.

I looked back to see Chase's world-shattering.

Yet I ignored his pain.

I was drowned in my own sorrows to notice what was happening in front of my own very eyes. If I had opened my eyes, maybe he wouldn't have been violated.

My weak self couldn't see the love of my life being violated in front of me.

I let him be violated.

This was my fault, all my fucking fault.

I felt myself feeling the emotions I felt that day. "Don't cry, please," I begged as I went towards my trembling figure. "Stay strong for your baby."

I didn't acknowledge my inner voice. I stayed focused on Chase and the betrayal. "It's all an act, look into his eyes. Please don't misunderstand him." I cried out.

"I only wanted you for one thing. Sex. Did you really think I would ever want to spend my life with you?" Chase talked again and I heard myself sobbing.

"Chase don't say this. Signal to me, I will understand." I yelled. "Anything but this."

He continued, "You don't know the satisfaction I got when I took your virginity."

I looked at myself to see my whole world crumbling down, the envelope clenching in my hands as I cried my heart out. I take a step to hug myself but I couldn't. I was transparent. They couldn't hear or witness me. I was stuck.

I couldn't tell myself that it was just an illusion. I couldn't tell myself that I needed to have faith in our relationship. I couldn't tell myself that Chase wouldn't ever betray me in such a manner. I couldn't tell myself anything.