1 Producer, 7 Idols, 1 Grammy to Capture!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Lily, a passionate music producer and songwriter, is contracted to work on a special project for BH, her inner dialogue reveals a different passion just boiling under the surface.
...
I wake up, and I feel like a trainwreck. My mouth is dry, and the foul aftertaste from a night of excessive drinking is lingering deep within my pores. My eyes try to focus, and Yoongi is nowhere to be found. I vaguely remember waking up at some point in the night and feeling his chest under my cheek, but I was so drunk and comfortable I just closed my eyes and fell back to sleep happily in his arms.
I'm super nervous to see Yoongi later, but I have to make myself get up. Drinking is a pretty big part of the culture here, and you are expected to carry on even after a night of hitting the bottle heavily. I have to make it to work on time!
I feel like complete shit as I rub my temples, trying to ease the pain. I take some aspirin and down a bottle of water before I muster all my willpower to drag myself into the shower. Silently I pray the pills will help elevate my pounding headache as I lean against the shower stall, lazily letting the water wash over me.
When I finally arrive at my studio, I softly shut the door, hoping I have a quiet day where I can work with the volume down and try and basically just survive the day while doing the bare minimum. I'm embarrassed with myself, but it's too late, the damage is already done...to my liver....and my head....and every inch of my body.
Fuck!
Later in the day, I finally start to feel better, and I have enough energy to make a cup of tea. Stepping out on the narrow balcony off the kitchenette, I breathe in the cool air while I sip my drink and ponder what it would feel like to just lay down on the cold concrete and take a nap. I chuckle to myself at what a disaster I am.
This must be what hell feels like.
While I'm lost in my thoughts, relieving all that occurred last night, I hear someone clear their throat behind me. I look, and Yoongi is standing there looking at me.
"I want to die right now. Kill me," I say with a half-smile while I rub between my eyes.
"You'll be OK. Keep drinking water today to hydrate," he offers, and then there is a long silence. He smiles, but it looks like there is a lot of sadness behind it.
Unable to tolerate the quiet between us any further, I begin blindly apologizing, feeling my insecurity about last night creeping up into my chest. "I'm really sorry about last night...uh....I didn't mean to...uh..make you feel uncomfortable...."
I trail off because I don't even know what to say. How do you apologize to someone when you aren't actually sorry? I loved being tucked into him last night, even if it was born out of a night of drinking. If I'm being honest with myself, last night was amazing! I could see myself spending many nights wrapped up in his arms. In fact, I'd love to crawl back into my warm bed with him right now and sleep these hangovers away together!
I can feel my panic grow when he doesn't offer any kind of response. He's just standing there, head tilted like a kitten. I remark at how beautiful his face is. It's perfectly heart-shaped, and I just want to reach out and cradle his cheek in my hand.
Finally, he breaks the silence, "It's OK, you didn't do anything wrong, but maybe we should take a step back and make sure things stay professional. Your contract is very specific..." His words are barely above a whisper.
Caught off guard, I answer quickly, "Oh, of course, of course," I nod my head up and down slowly in agreement, but I want to disappear. My heart feels like it is cracking inside my chest, and the tears are threatening my eyes as I struggle for control over my emotions.
He shoots me a sheepish look and leaves without another word, and I'm left on the balcony trying not to fall apart. My legs feel as if they are going to give away beneath me, so I limp back to my studio as fast as my knee will allow.
When I get there, I go into my private bathroom and lock the door. Sinking to the cold floor, the sobbing starts. I begin heaving in and out, my body shaking uncontrollably. I quickly tuck my head over the toilet and let all the anxiety and the contents of last night's dinner pour out of my mouth. The act feels almost violent, and the sound echoes with force around the tiled bathroom walls. I hear a knock on the bathroom door and Jin's voice calling for me.
"Lily, are you OK in there?" His voice laced with concern.
"I'm OK, Jin. I just had a little too much to drink last night. Don't worry about me. I'm fine!" I call out weakly, but then I heave into the toilet again. I want to die of embarrassment because I can't control how loud I am as I continue to get sick over and over.
I feel like a complete asshole that Jin can hear me be so disgusting, but it's absolutely beyond my control. All I can do is helplessly surrender to my body's reaction as the situation unfolds.
There is finally only silence, and I'm glad Jin seems to have left. I clean myself up and stay on the bathroom floor, wiping away my tears. I was with my ex-boyfriend for three years, and when we broke up, I never felt as bad as I do right now. I haven't even known Yoongi for very long, and we weren't even dating! I feel so utterly foolish.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
What the fuck, Lily. He doesn't even like you. Why are you being this way? Unrequited love strikes again.
While blowing my nose, I hear a light tap on the door. "Lily, I am leaving you a bottle of water just outside this door. Little one, if you need anything today, I'm here if you need me."
"Thank you, Jin!" I call from my side of the door, and I can't get over how thoughtful he is.
