1 Producer, 7 Idols, 1 Grammy to Capture!
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When Lily, a passionate music producer and songwriter, is contracted to work on a special project for BH, her inner dialogue reveals a different passion just boiling under the surface.
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Even though my ending with the guys was rough, I'm so proud when I see snippets of their press tour through the states.
Just as practiced, they drop their acapella verses whenever they see fit during interviews, and the buzz around their new comeback is amazing. I know them so well that I immediately recognize the way Joon shifts his hand slightly to signal the rest of the members to break into song, and then I watch as they dazzle their interviewers time and time again.
Every time I see a clip of them singing, it transports my memory right back to the studio; I close my eyes, and I clearly see them in a circle working out their parts. I relive the jokes and good-natured laughter, craving the frenetic energy they gave off; it is bittersweet and often brings me to tears.
They are slaying the American press on the interview circuit, but I've started to turn off the television and my social media when they come on because I miss them all so much. It makes me feel so foolish that I grew to love all seven of these characters as quickly as I did. I'm so happy our marketing plan is working for them, but it also is breaking my heart. Walking away from them has been more difficult than I could ever have imagined.
I know the song we worked on together is starting to pick up steam on the charts because of one shocking thing that has occurred. I found out I was listed on their track as a songwriter and a producer, and I've started receiving mechanical-royalty payments from it, which has been shocking.
My contract through NORAE in conjunction with BH was written in a way that NORAE was supposed to make it into the liner notes as a co-producing/writing partner, but I was never supposed to be listed individually, something changed unknowingly to me, and we were both credited.
Part of me speculates BH did this to keep me from suing Yoongi after he released that song without my consent, but I know in my heart Yoongi knows that no matter what has happened between us, I would never do something like that to him.
I may have yelled, I may have run away to a different country, and I may have been immature and put up that "Fake Love" post out of anger, but unfortunately, no matter what I do, he still dominates my thoughts every single minute of the day.
Today I've just been sitting near the edge of the lake, replaying our love-making sessions in my mind like I'm remembering the scenes of a movie. When I close my eyes, I can almost feel Yoongi's touch still imprinted on my skin, and I lose myself in those memories for minutes on end. I imagine feeling his smooth hands gently running over my skin or the way his lips felt pressed against mine. Reliving my memories with him has become one of my biggest pastimes.
He lives rent-free in my head, and I've just come to accept it. Mostly though, the thoughts that really break me are when I think about all the little things I loved about us. Like how we shared our music huddled together with our earbuds, the way we would sit and chat about the world, those magical moments in the studio where we would catch lightning in a bottle and write and produce, him in that white turtleneck making me dinner. It feels like a million years ago now, but it is always lingering around the edges of my thoughts.
