I tried to sleep. I really did. I was laying on the couch in the caravan, staring at the ceiling. I had put the TV on some random channel, the volume only at one. My goal wasn't to listen to it. It was just to not be surrendered by silence. Usually, it helps me sleep. But not this time. This time, I was fully awake, my thoughts pounding through my head.
They were all about Zayn.
And I hated myself for that. See, I'm not that kind of girl. I'm not the girl who gets obsessed with some random guy she just meets. And what the fuck was that thing with my heart ? Jumping beats every time I was picturing his face in my mind... Nah, that wasn't me.
Then I remembered something Louis told me earlier. He was talking about Hannah, about how incredible she was. "Sometimes, you just go to let yourself go, Alex. To take risks and to enjoy being alive." Then he said he was glad he did that with Hannah, because she was fucking good with her mouth, but still. I got the concept. That's why just before eight, I got up and walked up to the small beach near Zayn's lot.
I saw his family packing their stuff when I got there. I didn't wanted to disturb, so I just went on the sand and waited for Zayn to see me. I knew he would. So I wasn't surprised when he came to me. I got my phone out and handed it to him.
"Give me your number." I asked, smiling. God, is it normal that my heart is beating so fast ? Not only for me, but for humans in general ? I mean... It was beating fucking fast.The smile he had on his face has he was typing... Fuck, why was I fangirling like a pre-teenage girl full of hormones ? I wanted to slap myself when he handed me my phone back and that my hand was slightly shaking. I read the name he put and I found myself smiling too, without even thinking about it. "The guy you did something that wasn't your thing with" I remembered once again what Louis told me. To just let it go. That's why I made a step to come closer to him and I just... placed my lips on his cheek, a soft and sweet kiss. And I don't fucking know why I did that. But that brought a smile even bigger to his face and he waved at me before getting into the car. I kept my smile on as long as he was in sight, before feeling my heart crushing in my chest. I was really beginning to be like one of those cheesy girls. I needed something to put my back on the track.
...
I put my bag on my shoulder, before locking the door behind me. Damn it, I was tired of being here. I needed to change air, I needed someone to put me out of my thoughts as quickly as possible. And I sure as hell didn't wanted to see my Mom. Yeah, she was supposed to be here any minutes and seeing her acting like everything in her perfect little life was just as before, as when my Dad was still in the picture... I sure as hell wasn't in a good shape for that.
Just a few minutes later, I was out of the camping and walking next to the highway. For now, I wasn't feeling like being take in. So I just go a pack of "special" cigarettes from my pocket and took one out. I lighted it up and brought it to my lips. I automatically felt more at peace with myself. I was lucky I hadn't jump on anyone I know while getting out of the camping.
Well... I thought I was lucky, until I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I took it off and shoved it right away back in my bag. Jenna was calling, probably wondering where her "fucking awesome girly girl" was gone. Fuck that girl, damn it. I took puff of smoke and started to walk. Direction ? Nowhere.
...
After finishing my cigarette, I put my thumb up. And I walked. No one was stopping, but I didn't really cared. Just walking was fine too. But, I need to say, when someone slowed down right next to me, it felt great. I put my thumb down and got nearer of the car. The guy laughed, put his middle finger out, then left, all engines out. Fucking dumb ass teenager.
