I don't know how I did it but, as I was writing the message, I did like everything was alright. Even though it wasn't. Even though I was feeling like breaking right at this very moment.
"So, what are you up to ? School like the perfect little boy you are ? ;)"
While waiting for his answer, I whipped my tears away. I tried to do like I wasn't crying like a fucking baby girl minutes ago. And my phone buzzed in my hands.
"Yeah, no. I guess you're not either ;)"
"Ditching school mister Malik ? Didn't thought you would"
"I'm a rebel sometimes"
His words made me smile. Maybe Louis was alright. But I shook my head, I didn't wanted to think about that right now. Or never, for that matter. Louis couldn't be right. For my own sake, he couldn't.
"Don't take this too far. You're not rebel at all"
I put my hair back, biting my lips. We exchanged a few other texts, until my phone stopped buzzing. And, as I stopped hearing from him, my broken heart started to make sounds again. It started to feel too heavy for me, too present. I wanted to grab something in my nightstand, until I remembered Louis was gone with everything I had.
"Call me. I miss your voice :("
I don't know why I wrote that. I might just be stupid. But I wrote that without thinking. I realized in that moment that I couldn't remember it. That I couldn't picture the soft sound of his voice in my ears anymore. And that made me freak out.
"Missing my... voice ?" Even in text message, I felt like he wasn't believing me. Like he was thinking that I was just playing some joke on him. Like someone couldn't miss his voice the way I was in that very moment.
"Just call me, idiot."
And, as I was waiting for his call, I moved on the floor, until my back was laying on the wall. And I brought my knees to my chest, trying to contain the beating of my heart. As soon as my phone rang, I brought it to my ear. And hearing Zayn's voice made me smile much more than it should have.
"So, you missed the idiot's voice ?" He was happy, today. I was able to hear it in his voice. And I liked hearing that, so fucking much.
"Yeah, you have a pretty voice..." Fuck, mine was broke as fuck. Harsh. He'll knew that I cried. I was so stupid for having him to call me. But, by the way my heart started to beat faster in my chest when I heard his voice, I knew Louis was right. Wether I liked it or not. Zayn Malik had something so strong on me.
"Is everything alright ?" He asked me. The fact that he seemed to care made my heart stop for a moment. I shook my head, telling him that I wasn't alright at all, before remembering that he couldn't see me.
"No, not at all..." I felt the tears coming back to my eyes. I was still hearing Louis screaming and I hated myself a bit more by each passing second. I had messed up everything, as always. That's what I was doing. Messing everything up.
"Want to talk about it ?"
"Not really..."
"Okay..." Then silence filled the line between us. But I didn't needed words. I just wanted to know that he was there. I wanted to hear him breath, to feel him near me. I wanted his arms around me. I was finally accepting it. I wanted him, all of him, next to me. Everyday of my hurtful life. I wanted him by my side, his hand in mine, our eyes locked and our hearts beating at the same rhythm.
I didn't even realized it at first, but I was back at crying. I was thinking about Louis, about how much he wanted to help me and how I had just pushed him away. Louis, my best friend. And about Zayn. About how much that little Bradford boy meant to me. About how many place he had take in my life in such a few number of months.
"Would you do something for me ?" I whispered, not even knowing if he had hear me. I was just trying to let myself go. To go with the flow, as Louis told me one week earlier.
"Anything." He was so quick to answer, it made my heart go crazy in my chest. I laid my head on the wall behind me, closing my eyes.
"Would you... Sing to me ?" I don't know why I wanted that. I just wanted to hear his voice, his beautiful voice. I wanted him to sing those words to me. That song of my early teenage years that I used to love so much.
"Yeah, of course. What do you want me to sing ?"
"You'll laugh..." I knew he would. Kids used to make fun of me because I liked them. That was cards number 22 : I love the Backstreet Boys.
"Tell me, Alexis..." The way he said my name... It sounded so soft, with his typical british accent. For the first time in my life, I liked my name. It seemed to be rolling on his tongue then falling out of his lips like it was right. Like I was right.
"I want it that way, by the Backstreet Boys."
"Fan of them ?" He asked. But it wasn't like he was laughing or something. Just like he wanted to know, nothing more.
"Really."
"I didn't know." That's the last thing he said. I heard him move around his room, probably going to find the lyrics. He probably had no clue what this song was, or what it used to mean for me.
When I finally got to hear his voice again, he was singing a cappella. And, as the lyrics were rolling into my ears, I realized how much certain verses were linked to my life, right now.
The last words of the song had been sung and, without even having to ask, Zayn kept on singing. Other Backstreet Boys' songs. I felt myself getting more and more relaxed. My breathing was getting steady and the tears had totally stopped, my eyes were back at dry.
I don't know for how long he sang. I was so tired and his voice was so beautiful, calm and peaceful. I kept my eyes closed and, with his voice all around me, I slowly fell asleep. Wishing he was right next to me.
...
I woke up the next morning laying on the ground, my phone not so far away from me. I took it and put it to my ear. Zayn was still on the line, sleeping. I stayed there for a long time, an hour maybe, just to hear his breathing. That's the moment when I really gave up. That I stopped trying to push him away, to push my feelings away. I was accepting them, with all the pain that would certainly come in not so long.
I heard him move in his bed, sign that he was probably waking up. A shy smile made its way up to my lips.
"Feeling better ?" He asked, my heart skipping a bit to hear his morning voice. It wasn't the first time I was hearing it, but it seemed so much more perfect today. Rough and slow, surely sexy.
"Kind of..." I trailed off. I wasn't feeling perfect, but spending the night with him on the phone did me good. "Thanks Zayn."
I felt him getting some breath, like he was about to say something else. Maybe something that would make my heart race even more. Maybe... But, as the words were about to leave his lips, my Mom came into the room, slamming the door open. But, before she saw me, she closed it back. She finally learned that she couldn't enter my room the way she wanted to. I rolled to my side, because I knew that I would have to get up. But, as the words left her mouth, I froze. My breathing stopped, as well as the time.
"ALEX ! GET OUT OF YOUR FUCKING BED, LOUIS IS DOWNSTAIRS !"
Fucking hell.
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A bit short, I'm sorry ! I just really wanted to cut it there x))
I can't wait for you to see what I've got for you next, omg. I have almost ten chapter already written x)
