Five days. Five fucking days of partying all night with strangers in London. Five days of not giving a crap about anything. I felt myself feeling alive. It was so great. I could have done that forever, if it wasn't for the fact that Louis had to go to work. He dropped me at my house and I cringed when I saw my Mom's car in the driveway. My hopes of her being away vanished. Too bad.
I went inside, using the front door for once. She caught me right away. And I thought I was subtle.
"Alexis Dubois. In the kitchen. Right now."
Hey, at least she didn't used the three names. It couldn't go so badly, right ? I stepped inside the kitchen, smiling. Yeah, I was proud of my little escape in town. But clearly, my Mom wasn't.
"Where have you been ?" She asked me, coldly.
"With Louis." was the only thing I answered before heading toward the stairs. I just wanted to be in my room in that moment. The last five days had been almost a living dream, there was no fucking way that I was letting her ruin that by screaming at me about school and running away and all this kind of stuff.
"ALEXIS ! THIS CONVERSATION ISN'T OVER ! YOU CAN'T JUST..." And I never heard what she said next. Because I had put my headphones in my ears and put the volume of my music so loud I couldn't hear anything else. I entered my room and slammed the door behind me, before jumping in my bed. Oh God, I had missed this bed. After five nights of sleeping on the floor, my uncomfortable bed seemed like being craved by angels.
I was laying down on the mattress, almost falling asleep when I sat back up quickly. Fucking hell. I had forget to do something before running away with Louis. And, that thing I forgot wasn't a thing. It was more of a someone. A name. Zayn. Damn it.
I quickly stopped my music, putting my phone to my ear. Right after dialling his number. Was I pathetic for knowing it by heart or was I pathetic ? Yeah, I know.
"Hey, Zayn ?" I said, even though it sounded more of a question.
"Hey, I thought you were dead or something." This made me laugh. Just hearing his voice was enough to make me smile like crazy. And to make my heart beat fucking way too fast in my chest. Even when he sounded of like today.
"No, I just had..." I stopped myself. I didn't wanted him to know how I was. Because I knew that this girl, the party one, the depressed one, wasn't good enough for him. And I wanted to be good enough for him. "Stuff to do."
"Yeah, people always have better stuff to do than call me. Or even send me a text." I hated the way his words got to me. The way I felt it being crushed and ripped apart. I was feeling so fucking bad for not calling him earlier, but... Okay, no, I have no excuse.
"You're being nice, today, that's awesome." I coldly answered. I didn't wanted him to know that the way he had spoke really got to me. I didn't wanted him to know how much I cared about him. I knew I was probably pushing him away once again, but I couldn't help it. It was who I am. Just a stupid girl who hates to have feelings.
"Sorry, it just had been... A rough day." He finally said and I found myself wishing to be with him. To be the one to make his day a bit better. But I couldn't. Because I was only Alexis Dubois.
"I pushed it, I should have called." That was kind of an apology. Since I'm not the kind of girl to say I'm sorry, that was the best I could give him.
Silence filled the line. Not a nice, comfortable one like we often have. No. This one was just awkward. And I tried to find something to say, without being able to. He's the one who finally broke that silence. And not to say the words I wanted to hear.
"What happened with Louis ?"
"Oh, euh... Nothing much."
"Okay..." I knew he felt rejected. But that wasn't my goal. I didn't wanted to tell him. Not because he didn't have my trust, but because... I didn't wanted him to know that I have problems. I didn't wanted him to see me as the fucked girl I truly am. I heard him move around, turning the sink on. The silence between us, the fact that his voice wasn't in my ear, broke me. And it broke the fact that I wasn't one for the apologies.
"I'm sorry Zayn. I just don't feel like talking about my shit. I'm not that kind of person." And I don't want you to know how truly fucked I am. I don't want you to know that we were arguing over you. I don't want you to know how fucking important you are to me. I don't want you to know that I like you. Quite a lot.
I let myself fell on the mattress and I just wished he was next to me. "It's okay" he said, and I heard his voice break. Shit. This was all my fault. I felt so bad, I just wanted to lay in his arm and tell him how sorry I was. Some would say that it's stupid to feel that way about just one phone call. But for us, it was way much more than just that. Hearing him like that broke my fragile heart. "You just called me half crying and made me sing a lot of Backstreet Boys songs."
I really wanted to say something else, to argue. But I knew it would do us no good at all. So I just took a big breath, catching the words before having them fall out of my lips. Hey, I was improving.
I heard the water going off and I closed my eyes. This fucking silence was back. There was so many things that I wanted to say, that I wanted to tell him. But I was such a coward. So I kept silent and it's the only thing that was between us for a few minutes. Silence. Until I got over my pride.
"We had a fight." I started. I had no fucking idea why I was telling him that. Maybe because I was already dependant of him. "We never had one like that before. I was just... A bit freaked out." Freaked out wasn't the word. I was just fucking scared of those feelings inside of me. But that was something I just couldn't tell him.
"You don't have to tell me." He slowly said, and I couldn't help but have a smile hanging on my lips.
"You'll be pouting all night if I don't."
"I'm never pouting." And, for the first time of the night, I heard him laugh. Nothing like the sound I had heard before, but still. It put a huge smile on my face just to hear that.
"We argued like never before. And he was right." I told him, even though I knew I wouldn't say a word about the subject of the argument.
"Are you two alright now ?"
"Yeah. We've been on the run the last five days."
"On the run ?" He asked and I could almost see his eyebrows getting up, the thing he was always ding when he wasn't sure of something, or when there was something he hadn't understood.
I laughed, before telling him that we went to London. I left many details out, because I didn't wanted him to think I was some kind of brat like Elizabeth. I just told him that Louis was riding a motocycle, that it was cold as fuck and that anecdote about Louis asking out a random old lady in the street.
Then we went on and on about different things. He asked me questions about why I liked The Backstreet Boys so much and I made him discover some of their best songs. He told me a bit about his best friend, Mark, and I realized that it was the real first bit of personal information I was getting from him. Except from the Elizabrat subject. He was a really secretive guy, hiding everything behind closed doors. I could totally understand him on that point. We were the same.
We talked for ages. And the awkward silence that was filling the air at the beginning of our conversation was nowhere to be found when we finally hung up, just before midnight.
After receiving a text from him telling me good night, I shut my phone off and put it on the nightstand. And, while I was laying on my back, staring and smiling to my ceiling, I was hearing his laugh in my ears in repeat. His beautiful, soft laugh...
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Hey guyyyys ! Sorry, I literally had no time to update this week-end, it had been sooo busy ! But here it is, I hope you like it !
And oh... IN LESS THEN 24 HOURS IT WILL BE FUCKING SUMMER TIME FOR ME OMG.
