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𝕭𝖆𝖗𝖌𝖆𝖎𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌
TW: Self-blame
The girl hadn't slept a wink that night. Nor had she talked, eaten, or done anything the next day. She was just sitting on her bed, in a trance.
Her mother had begun getting sick and she had as well. They both thought it was the common flu. She had a small fever, nothing big, and that was why she was excused from school for the next couple of days.
Diana, Anne, and Ruby came by to give the things she left at school, though her mother was the one who met them as she was too drained to pretend she was alright.
She wasn't alright.
She was far from it.
Her thoughts were filled with what could've happened, she was filled with despair and regret, but she didn't know why.
"What if she hadn't lashed out at her mother," "What if Gilbert hadn't left her, would she be happy now?" "Why did Gilbert leave her? Was she not pretty enough? Funny enough? Good enough? Wasn't she enough?" "No, she would never be enough. Because she was strange, she didn't want to speak, she made her mother mad and disobeyed her most of the time, Joseph was mad at her for running away that day, and everyone at school was either worried or didn't care about her."
"Why would they care anyway? She was just a pest in their way. A speckle of dust in the world and people would most likely forget her. Ruby would, Anne would, Diana would, Gilbert already did, didn't he?"
"Though what if." "What if," "What if."
-♛-
It had been a week since that day and school was canceled most time because of the weather, though even if they did have school, she wouldn't have come. For she was too caught up with her sorrows and blaming to focus on school.
She had started to do things again, though it wasn't like she wanted to. Her mother had simply become bedridden, having red spots on her skin which made the girl curious, her coughing intensified, her fever heightened, and she shivered even though layers and layers of blankets covered her.
Her mother often complained of her heart palpitating and often referred to her brother as 'Chris' though she didn't know a person was named Chris.
And so the girl was doing everything her mother taught her, she cleaned the house, did the chores, cooked for them, and tended to her mother.
