Amalgamate

Chapter 55

Tearlach knocked on Rowan's door lightly. When there was no response, he opened it slowly. He found the bed empty, but he immediately heard the shower. There were no lights on in the room save for the light escaping from the spaces around the frame of the bathroom door.

As he moved closer he heard faint sobbing, "Rowan, it's me. You okay in there?" When there was no response he pushed the door open slightly and there she was, sitting in a corner of the glass encased shower huddled in a ball inside a blanket crying silently to herself, shaking.

Tearlach pulled the shower door open and without even asking sat down next to her, shoulder to shoulder.

Without hesitation she laid her head down on his shoulder. Tearlach's heart leapt. She was at least glad to see him. Maybe even needing him? "You're cold. Let's make this water a little warmer, kay?"

She nodded yes, but never said a word as she wept on his shirt sleeve. Her hands began shaking uncontrollably. The power coursing through her right now frightened her. She felt like she was on the verge of being out of control, like she was going to lose any hold she had over herself.

He slid his arm around her shoulders pulling her into him. Her skin was like ice, so he pulled her into his lap under the direct water flow and wrapped his arms around her. Reaching up he turned the faucet on hotter. As he rocked her slowly he kissed her forehead softly, "Shhh, I'm here."

Rowan couldn't deny that she needed someone. She was a mess right now. After waking from a very realistic dream in which she relived killing Dermid, all she could think of doing was getting clean. Even though she knew killing him was the right thing to do, she hated that she'd done it so easily, without feeling any remorse or guilt. She should feel sorry for her actions, even if they were warranted, but she just didn't, and she wondered what that said about her.

It saddened her that this world had brought out this person, a cloaked mercenary in hiding, unable to stand on her own two feet, but still hell bent on having her personal revenge. She had never imagined herself being capable of such a brutally violent crime; however, even as she sat here thinking about what she'd done her mind was already plotting her next hit...Anlaf. She would find him, and he would pay with his life as well. No one put their hands on her.

Her mental quest for vengeance pulled her out of her emotional downward spiral, but she found that focusing in on her surroundings took a conscious effort. Within moments she realized that there was a pattern happening. Here she was again, letting a man in to take care of her.

She hated admitting to herself that she needed someone to get her through, but she was beginning to see that everyone had weaknesses, even her. Self-realization can be therapeutic, but if you're trying to survive, it takes a back seat to self-preservation.

As she laid across his lap with her head on his chest she decided to own her weaknesses and learn how to use them to her benefit. The most obvious would be her wicked temper that caused her, at times, to respond impulsively.

The next weakness she considered prominent was her needing to be connected to, not reliant upon, a powerful man. These two together are what got her caught in Declan's web. Finally, Rowan had never, ever, given people a second chance. She never let people have another run at her once they'd compromised any element of her trust. Her thoughts turned to Raine, Maeve and Karita.

But everyone made mistakes, even her. And she needed to get over that. Tearlach had let her down as a lover. He'd lied and cheated. But, she would do her best to give him a second chance to be someone to her, a friend, if he could accept that limitation? He was kickin' down the damn door anyway.

They sat together under the shower, sharing no words but connecting none the less. His arms pulling her firmly into his warm, all encompassing, massive chest, her head buried in the crook of his neck. Sometimes there were no words to describe second beginnings. She just hoped he would acquiesce to her friendship, because she wouldn't engage in anything more with him, ever.