Hiraeth // draco malfoy

FORTY

alone again
 

Pansy stared over at Dru, who was smiling and talking to one of the PA members. For the first time, in as long as Pansy could recall, she felt happy. She for once, felt as though she was in a room with people who loved her, or at the very least, cared for her. And that, was a feeling Pansy would hold onto for the rest of her days. She could never admit it, but truly, Pansy had a soft side to her that only Ophelia knew of. And sometimes, she embraced it. But for the most part, she tucked it away deep down in the crevices of her hardened heart, and pretended nothing phased her. But in all actuality, life was wearing thin. And so was she. The fear of tomorrow, would forever be in the back of her mind, even if they miraculously win this seemingly impossible war. "You alright?" Dru asked, and Pansy snapped out of her thoughts, not even realizing Dru had approached her.

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine." She gave a faint smile, as Dru sat beside her, leaning her head on her shoulder.

"Happy Christmas, Pans." She told her.

"Happy Christmas, Dru." Pansy responded, when suddenly, Ron had turned on the radio near the window and the static straightened out, with the Christmas music playing through. "Oh, hell, remember when you sang this drunkenly to Draco when you were pissed at him?" Pansy blurted out, and Dru looked to her, smile fading. "Right. Sorry." Pansy quieted, as Dru listened to hear Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas playing behind them.

"It's fine." Dru said.

"No, I sometimes– sometimes I just forget." Pansy sighed, feeling absolutely awful now.

"I know." Dru said, looking to her now. "You don't have to tip toe around it though. It's fine to talk about what we used to do and memories I don't recall. It's actually nice hearing about it."

"Is it strange?" Pansy asked. Dru looked to her, confused. "You know? Not remembering? I mean, I know it would be, but if you don't mind my asking, what's it like?" Dru sat for a moment, contemplating the question.

"It's like you feel you've been lied to your whole life. Which, I suppose I have been. It's weird seeing people look at me with pity in their eyes. I can tell people hold back at what they truly want to say. Which only makes it harder, considering it bothers me more that people feel they have to protect my feelings over just talking to me like a normal person. I always felt out of place. When I was younger, that is. But it's such an odd thing knowing everything I experienced as a child was all just a figment of my imagination. The friends I had in school, they didn't actually exist. My school wasn't real. And then meeting all these people, like you guys for example, who have real memories with me but I don't even know who I once was. It's like you all know me better than I know myself." She replied, looking down at her hands and gazing at the Slytherin sleeves to her shirt.

"I can't even imagine." Pansy said, feeling sorry for her friend.

"It's like a nightmare. A permanent amnesia that I can't shake. To be honest with you, I'm tired, Pans." She finally admitted. "I can't be who you all want me to be. I can't be Ophelia, because I don't know who that was. Nothing feels real." She said, as Draco stared over at them, eavesdropping with Blaise beside him. Pansy caught the two staring, and decided to not make Dru open up more about it because it was Christmas after all, and this was a touchy subject.

"Once all this is done and over with, I'm sure we will be able to come up with some sort of potion that can help you remember." Pansy assured her, but she didn't know if that was a promise that could actually be kept. Dru knew that as well.

"Okay." Dru smiled, not wanting to get into it anymore about the whole subject. She wanted to enjoy this Christmas, because for all she knew, it could very well be their last.

By night, after they all ate and drank a little, Draco waited patiently in the hall for Dru to finish up her conversation with Luna. Once she did, she approached him with a subtle smile, tilting her head to the side, as she reached her hands out and he grabbed them. Leaning forward, she kissed him, feeling her body sink into his with warmth and comfort. "You wanna head to bed?" He asked, tiredly. She nodded, as he led her to her room, and the two climbed into bed, holding each other throughout the night.

"Dru, I need you to wake up." A voice startled her awake as her eyes opened to see Draco sitting above her.

"Hey? What's going on–?" She questioned, before realizing that they were not alone. Blaise, Pansy, Theo, Hermione and Fred stood scattered in the room and doorway. All were dressed, all were ready. "Jesus! Little privacy?" She asked, pulling the sheet above her bra, blushing from embarrassment. "What time is it?"

"It's four." Pansy told her from the window.

"In the morning?" Dru asked. Draco nodded.

"You need to get dressed." He told her.

"What's happening?" She was still trying to wake up, as she had been in a deep sleep and this whole situation was confusing her.

"He who shall not be named." Hermione began. "He's called for them."

"What?" Dru could feel her heart drop to the pit of her stomach. She felt physically ill. The thought of them leaving again, was enough to make her want to cry.

"Can I get some goddamn privacy with her please?" Draco shouted at them all, and they quickly dispersed, Pansy, leaving the door just a little bit cracked open behind her. Dru sat up on her elbows, staring at Draco, worry in her eyes. "Dru," he began, petting the side of her head, intertwining his fingers with the locks of her hair. "Blaise received word that he's planning on starting an attack soon."

"What do you mean?" She asked, feeling tears swell in her eyes.

"He wants us to attack first. But, as you know, we can't let that happen. You all have to be the first ones to strike." Draco said, feeling a lump in the back of his throat. This was harder than he could have ever expected. And she stared at him, knowing what he meant, but not wanting to hear it. "Dru, this is probably going to be the last I see of you before–,"

"No." She shook her head, not able to control the tears flooding her face. "No, I can't do this without you, Draco!" She begged, reaching forward and placing her hands on each side of his face.

"You can do this. You're so much stronger than you can even comprehend, and I have so much faith in you, Dru. I'm so proud of you, I'm so proud of how far you've come." He stifled out, looking down at his lap. "I need you to promise me that you will be safe. Please, listen to whatever Hermione tells you. She wants to keep you safe too, and reluctantly, I trust her."

"Draco, I need you here. I need you with me." Her voice spoke softly as she leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his.

"You'll be okay, Ophelia. I promise. I love you so much." He leaned forward abruptly, pressing his lips hard against hers, as she pulled him closer against him. It took everything out of him to pull away, and when he did, he was gone. Leaving her in the bed by herself, with only the feeling of fear to keep her company.