I watch you like a hawk _Oli Sykes Fanfiction

Chapter 43

Oli’s POV:

“I won’t give up on you

These scars won’t tear us apart

So don’t give up on me” _ The Sadness Will Never End, BMTH

I hadn’t slept all night.

I couldn’t erase the images of Kat screaming in panic from my mind. I didn’t understand what had happened. One minute she was soundly asleep in my mind, the next she was having a panic attack. And the worst it, I didn’t know what had caused it, and I had no idea how to help her.

Acting on instinct, I had the OM&M guys kill the bonfire we’d made when they’d joined us half an hour earlier, but it hadn’t helped. She was way too far in her head by then. Calling for her parents. I had no fucking clue why.

My stomach sank as I realized I knew nothing about her. I knew she had problems, enough of them to have nightmares every night, but I had no idea what had fucked her up. How could I help her if I didn’t know her? How could I call myself her boyfriend when I was unable to take care of her?

I hated myself.

I loved her.

She had called out for Purdy.

Maybe it was best. He knew what to do. Watching her yelling that she wanted us all to leave had destroyed me. He knew how to help her, only he. Because she’d let him in. He hadn’t allowed us to see her all night. I hadn’t had a second of sleep. She hadn’t let me in. I wanted to see her. I was so fucking tired. I needed to see her. To make sure she was okay. But she didn’t want me there. I needed her to be okay. She’d screamed for me to leave too.

I hadn’t slept all night.

I was going crazy.

What had she done to me?

Two hours later, someone called my phone. I looked at the caller ID dumbly for a second. Ashley Purdy. Then it hit me and I took a sharp breath, picking up the call.

“What is it? How is she? Is she okay?”

“She asked for you.”

In front of the door, I hesitated. Purdy had let me in his tour bus, his face grim and determined. Tired. He probably had as little sleep as me. Now I stood in the threshold of the bunk area, and was scared to go in. Scared of the sight that was going to meet. I took a deep breath and pushed the door.

Immediately I saw her. She was sitting on the edge of one of the bunks. Purdy’s I guessed. She was looking into the air, her gaze empty.

I felt like crying.

“I was twelve,” she said, her voice hollow. “It was the last day of school. I was going home to my parents when I realized the house was on fire. I called the emergencies and ran inside. They were in the kitchen. I wanted to get them out but I couldn’t, because a beam of wood from the roof had fallen and was blocking the door. They were yelling at me to get out, but I couldn’t help them. I tried and tried to make the beam move until I passed out because of the smoke. By then I knew they were dead.”

I was transfixed, and sat down numbly on the bunk opposite hers. She continued reciting her story in a mechanical voice.

“When I woke up in the hospital, they told me I was the only one to have made it out. Apparently the fire had started in the kitchen, and my parents had been trying to stop it when the beam fell and they were blocked. They came only a minute after I passed out. Two minutes after my parents died. Two minutes. If I’d walked home faster, my parents would’ve lived. Life’s fucked up.”

She took a deep breath.

“I was placed in a foster family. They were alright, I guess. They treated me well, but they didn’t love me like a child. I didn’t let them. I was too old to get new parents. Every night I had nightmares. At school, I was bullied. I started cutting. It stopped the mental pain for a few seconds. It was worth the physical one. I was going down a dark road. I considered killing myself a few times. And that’s when I met Amber. She was a few years older and had just come out of depression. We became best friends. She pulled me out of my darkness. She introduced me to bands that helped. She told me it was alright to have scars. She made me want to live again. It was perfect, the three of us. Amber, Chris her boyfriend, and me. And then she committed suicide. I don’t know why. She never told us. One day, I went home from university and saw her lying on the bathroom floor. There was blood everywhere. She’d cut herself and then overdosed on painkillers. I called 911 but it was too late. She was already dead. It fucked Chris and me up. Never was the same between us. He started drinking, and I started cutting again. My nightmares came back, with Amber added in them. I wanted to die. Then I randomly walked into Ash in a bar, and he told me to keep on fighting. It reminded me of Amber. I thought she’d hate me if I gave up because of her. So I hung on. I became addicted to music. To you, actually. You guys pulled me through it. You saved my life. I reached out to Chris again, and he’d stopped his drinking too. We started dealing with our pain another way. Writing and singing and playing music. We started a band. We met the others. It worked out. Then I met Ash again, and we became good friends. I told him everything. He helped me stop cutting. He helped me fix myself. We went on tour together, and it was amazing. My band got success. We were invited to Warped Tour…”

She looked up at me and sighed.

“I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t wanna meet you, Oli. You were my hero. You are my hero. I was scared that if I met you, I’d find out that you were just a normal human being, and everything I’d fought for would collapse. It was stupid. I met you, I fell in love with you. And here we are. I don’t understand how you could possibly like someone as broken as me, but I’m gonna enjoy it while it lasts. Carpe diem, aye?”

I went up to her and kissed her gently.

“I love you,” I muttered, my forehead resting against hers. “And it’s not changing ever. I love you even more now that I know about your life. I’m not leaving you.”

“These scars won’t tear us apart,” Kat said with a soft smile, and I chuckled.

“That’s right. I won’t give up on you, so don’t give up on me.”

“I won’t. I love you,” she breathed, and kissed me.

                                         ---------------------------------------------------

i love that song so fucking much oh my god

Anyway here's a sentimental chapter where you finally get the whole story about Kat's life :)

Lil reminder to vote & comment

Love you, 

Othilia.