The love we share

Chapter 30

*Grammar may be bad lol 

Shuhuas POV 

"where is she" I say angrily.

"She's probably just cooling off" Minnie replies. 

Fuck we were doing fine and than this happens. But I know im just deluding myself into believing that, I've become someone im not proud of, I'm just so insecure that she'll leave me. I finally have the person iv'e wanted for so long im sure anyone else would be as scared as I am. 

"shuhua, w-what if she knows. She looked so angry not just at you but me, she's been jealous b-but she's never been that mad at us." 

"DON'T SAY THAT" I shout pulling my hair, Minnie startles and I can see she's suprised by my out burst. Seeing her look scared makes me feel even more guilty. 

"I'm sorry Minnie, i'm just scared" I say not hiding my emotions anymore. She wraps me in her arms and massages my head. I sigh, relaxing into her warmth. 

" I think its time to come clean to Soojin and maybe think about if..if this relationship is worth it." she whispers into my ear. I squeeze her tighter and force my eyes shut. 

"No.. I can't" I say broken. 

" I know" she sighs. 

"Thats why I have to distance myself from you" her voice cracks as she says that. I start to panic hearing her words. 

"NO, Minnie no please you can't leave me, I need you" I say pulling away slightly so I can see her face. She smiles with tears in her eyes.  Even when she's clearing hurting she wipes my tears away tenderly. 

"I have to shu, you'll always choose her" she whispers. 

" Minnie please, I know im being selfish but I need you. All of you, like we are now. Your important to me" it finally dawns on me how much I need her. 

"Shuhua ask yourself this, do you have feelings for me that are more than a friend. Because the way we're acting isn't how normal best friends act. You know how I feel about you, I think as your friend I deserve to know, so tell me. Please. Do you have feelings for me at all." Her voice is quiet and gentle not angry but I can tell how much this is effecting her. I lean our foreheads together, eyes closed. knowing whatever I say could mean she's gone, and my feelings for her, I, I don't know but the way my heart is breaking by just the thought of us being anything less than we are now hurts so much, to much. 

"all I know is I can't lose you Minnie" I say, I open my eyes and stare back at brown ones that hold so much warmth when they look at me. She smiles softly, her eyes looking just as glassy as my own. 

"But you can't lose her more right" I break down after she says that, I know what's coming next and I can't deny her words either. 

"I'm not leaving you Shu, I'm just giving myself time to be away from my feelings. And I know me being around all the time isn't helping your relationship with Soojin. It's for the best, for both of us." 

"ill do anything Minnie, please just don't leave" I hold her tighter. 

"I have to, for me shuhua. I don't want to be your second choice, I think I deserve more than to be an option and I know you know that to. I love you Shuhua, have for years now. But it's time I give up on us like that. I'll be back to you when I get my emotions in control. This isn't goodbye forever you're always the dramatic type" Minnie tries to joke but deep down she knows things will never be the way they were before between the two, as much as it pains her to leave the girl she's loved for so long, she knows this isn't the way. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't love you the way you deserve Minnie. I'm sorry for not seeing you sooner." 

"Shh, don't ever be sorry for loving someone, even if its not me. it's not your fault I feel this way so don't feel guilty, you have been my first love and I'll always be thankful I got to experience that with you, even if you don't feel the same. I will never regret loving you. "