Taming A Beast (Passion Series #1)

Chapter 53

Chapter 53. Scared

"Why do you have to let go, Maris? Why are you becoming so frail right now?" he asked bitterly.

"It's not because I let go, I am already weak, Treice Von." I looked away after that. "Gano'n  ba 'yon para sa iyo? Na kapag bumitiw na ang isang tao... mahina na? Hindi pa puwedeng... pagod na?" Bahagyang pumiyok ang aking tinig sa aking isinaad.

"Maris---"

"You know, what?!" I immediately cut him out. "Forget it! You are such a bullshit, Treice!"

"Maris, naman..." Humina ang kaniyang boses. "Bakit ka ba ganiyan sa akin?" mapait niyang tanong. "When you left me with so many unanswered questions... I just let it. Noong iniwanan at sinaktan mo ako ay pinalagpas ko lang, Maris!" Biglang tumaas ang kaniyang tinig. "Pero bakit ba kailangang murahin mo ako? Nasasaktan din naman ako, ah! Napapagod din naman ako pero kahit kailan ay hindi kita minura! Kahit kailan ay hindi mo naranasan na murahin kita!"

"T-Treice---"

"Napapagod din naman ako, Maris... Nasasaktan at nahihirapan din naman ako pero kahit kailan ay hindi ako nagbibitiw ng masasakit na salita sa iyo because I know that it'll hurts you. I tried to be fair to you, I tried to be the best husband for you..."

"I am tired..." I mumbled.

"I guess... I have to go, Maris... I am sorry for chosing you. Sorry kung ikaw ang pinili kong mabuhay sa inyong dalawa ng anak natin. Don't you know that it was so hard for me to choose between you and our child, Maris? S-Siyempre, anak ko 'yon, anak natin 'yon. H-Hindi lang naman ikaw ang nawalan, eh. Kung hindi ako rin, Maris. It was our child, it was our daughter..."

"T-Treice..." I uttered his name.

"I am sorry, but I didn't regret that I chose you..."

That was the last thing he stated before he leave me inside the room alone. Seeing him turning his back to me really crushing me down. It's killing me, but I think... it was the only way to give ourselves some time.

I hugged my knees again and cried silently. I hope, no one could ever hear me from outside. I don't want them to know how exhausted I am. I am torn between letting go and holding on.

Pero ganoon ba talaga iyon? Na kapag bumitiw na ay mahina na? I don't know who I have to blame. But the blame is on Treice, I already blamed him. Wala na ako sa sarili ko ngayon at hindi ko alam kung tama ba o mali ang aking mga desisyon.

This life is stressing me so bad. Sumisikip ang aking dibdib sa naisip na isang taon na pala akong natutulog. Hindi ko alam kung ikapapasalamat ko ba na nakaalala pa ako ngayong nakagising na ako o hindi ko dapat ikatuwa ito.

How I wished that everything was just a dream. How I wished that I couldn't remember anything. Sana ay hindi ko na lang naalala kung paano ako nabunggo ng sasakyan na 'yong Kissy Imasel ang nagmamaneho niyon.

I don't know if it was an accident or she intentionally did it. She hated me so bad, what should I expect? Pero... Bakit kasi kailangan pang mawala ang anak ko? Bakit kasi kailangan isa lang ang puwedeng mabuhay sa aming dalawa?

Sana, panaginip na lang ang lahat ng 'to, eh. Sana hindi ito totoo at kung panaginip man ito, ayoko nang muling mapanaginipan ito. Sana hindi totoo na nawala ang anak ko. Sana hindi totoo na halos isang taon akong tulog.

Bakit kailangan ko pang maranasan ang lahat ng 'to? Hindi pa ba sapat na nawalan na ako ng tunay na ama? Bakit kailangan na pati ang anak ko ay kuhanin sa akin? Am I such an awful woman? Do I deserve all of this? Puno ng pait at hirap ang laman ng aking dibdib.