Alice Avery
No one showed up to Donna's funeral. Ricky and I were the only ones there. I couldn't believe it. It devastated me and I cried the whole day. That was two weeks ago and I feel frozen and scared. It's something I don't completely understand and frankly, I don't want to.
"I have a race tonight," Ricky announces to me. I'm sitting on the couch with an unopened book in my lap. "I think you should come with me. Razzle has been asking about you, I think he's worried."
"I don't think you should race tonight." I say and to this, he sits down next to me.
"Why do you think that?"
I pinched the spine of my book "What if something happens?"
His laugh is light, free, and careless "What could happen?"
"Something bad," I voice
"Alice-"
"I'm scared, okay?" I cut him off frantically "I've lost someone I love and it's fucking torture. I'm scared because even though I love Donna I don't love her even a quarter as much as I love you. I'm petrified, Ricky. I can't do it anymore, all the risks. I'm scared."
"Hey," he says softly once I'm caged in his arms, he kisses my hair "It's alright, baby. I'm right here"
My head is low, next to his heart, my hands shake. "One day you won't be and I will never recover from it."
"You can't say things like that." He says and pulls my face from his chest "The constant worry, that's not living, Alice."
"I know." I whispered but my voice felt so heavy "It's just hard."
"Come out tonight, Ali. Remember who you are."
I just stared at him for awhile, taking in his expression. A voice screamed at me through my head, get up and go do something, anything, stop sulking, go kiss in someone's photo booth for all I care. I knew who was scolding me. "Okay." I told Ricky quietly. "I'll go," I spoke up
He smiled at me, "good."
I smiled back and placed my book on the coffee table, I stood up. "Who are you racing tonight?"
Ricky suddenly frowned, "Link."
"Fuck," I breathe out and put my hands on my hips.
"He's nothing," Ricky says. "He's all talk, you know that"
"It doesn't change how I feel about him."
Ricky grabs my shoulders and makes me face him. "Listen, I know it's easier said than done but fucking forget them. They have nothing on us, Alice."
I stare into his eyes and breathe through my nose and huff out. "I'm tired of this." I admit and blink slowly.
His head tilts, "tired of what?"
"Feeling hot and cold all the time," I say "One minute I'm untouchable and nothing, no one can hurt me but then suddenly I'm glass, I'm fragile and I can't do anything without protection." He looks at me like he doesn't know how to respond and I don't blame him. "I'm sorry." I apologize to him for no reason. He tells me to shut up without words, he just kisses me until I can't breathe.
"You're not the coward that you think you are." Ricky tells me, my face in his hands. "Do not let them win. Can you promise me that?"
My God, it was things like this. My God I fucking loved him and with everything I had which is what led me to say, "I promise."
*
I saw Trent the second I got to the race. He looked mean, his head shaved, his cheekbones high like he hadn't eaten in days. He was sort of scary looking and knowing him he was probably obsessed with it.
No one talked to me about Donna but I wish they did. I wanted to talk about her. I wanted to tell everyone about her because they would've loved her. Donna needed more people to love her, she deserved more. However, no one asked me about her and I didn't speak up.
I had a cigarette in between my fingers, Theo was standing next to me, Ricky was getting his car ready and I wasn't sure where the others were.
"I miss you, you know. It's just not the same at home anymore." Theo says, he's not complaining instead just telling me how he feels which I can appreciate.
"I know. I miss it too, but I think I'm where I need to be. I need to be with Ricky."
"As long as you're happy, Alice. You know that." Theo says and I give him a smile.
"Thank you." I say, "for being so good about it."
"We're family." Theo says and lazily slings his arm over my shoulder and just as he said it, the rest of our family came walking towards us.
"I've missed you, love." Razzle drags out and pulls me into his arms. "Don't disappear on me again." He kisses both of my cheeks and smiles at me.
"I've missed you."
"Of course you have," he replies. "I'm glad that you're here."
"Me too. Have I missed much?"
"Nah," Razzle says. "It's always a buzz kill without you here, but your best buddy has been asking about you."
"Trent?"
"That's the one."
"Fuck," I breathe out. "I forgot about the race."
"He's been on my ass about it nonstop. I've been stalling for you but I don't know how much longer I can keep it up."
I pinch the bridge of my nose with my fingers. "I know, I know. I'll handle it. I'll talk to him and let you know soon, yeah?"
"You got it, boss." Razzle replies with a grin.
Ricky's race had just begun and I was on my way to find Trent within the crowds. I was an impatient woman. When it came to Trent I was a thousand times worse. He was leaning against his car, a group of blondes surrounded him. One of them noticed me.
"I think your girlfriend is here." She says and I actually laugh.
"No, no. That's Ricky's girl." Trent answers for me and leans off his car. "It's a pleasure to see you, Alice" He lies and takes a few steps closer to me.
"Quit it. When's our race?"
"I don't know, Alice." His head cocked to the side. He's taunting me. "I seem to be running on your time so why don't you tell me when we race."
I hated the smirk on his face and I hated how funny this was to him however, he asked a question, so I answered it. "Tomorrow night."
Trent smiles, "if that's what you want."
I roll my eyes at him and turn on my heel. "I'll see you tomorrow night," and with that, I walk away.
The blonde girl from before stops me. "You're Ricky's girl?" She asks with a smirk that I hate.
"Something you wanna say?"
"It's just-" she giggles to herself. "You don't seem like his type."
"Okay." I smile at her and I leave.
Ricky's car flies past the finish line just as I pull my phone out and send Razzle a quick text.
Put Trent and me on for tomorrow night and tell everyone. I want all of Las Vegas watching.
