One word for this chapter? Escalation.
Alice Avery
I held the chilled ice pack against Ricky's knuckles. I had taken him back to my apartment to clean up his hand. His face was fine, Link couldn't land any damage. The way Ricky acted tonight was the most vicious I've seen, it frightened me slightly. I had been trusting him an awful lot, tonight made me realize I didn't know him all that well. I had no idea what he was capable of.
"What are you thinking about?" Ricky asks and my eyes meet his.
"Nothing." I told him, his eyes narrowed.
"What are you thinking about?" He pushed and moved the ice pack from his hand. "What's wrong? You're all tense."
He reached his hand out to me, I flinched.
Ricky's eyebrows furrowed as he dropped his hand. I kept my eyes low; not wanted to meet his stare. I was sat on the coffee table and he sat across from me on the sofa.
"Are you afraid of me?"
My eyes pinched shut, I was afraid in the moment and I was also afraid to admit it. "I've never seen you behave like that."
"Answer my question Alice," he demanded. "Are you afraid of me?"
There was no denying my feelings for Ricky but he told me only he could touch me, he took control over me and I allowed him. That was scary too, I never let anyone do that. Also seeing the way he reacted when Link was harassing me made me have an off feeling. He acted possessive, far too possessive.
"I'm just not used to this side of you." I avoided the question again.
"Talk to me baby." He rested his hands on my knees.
"You were very protective over me. If no one stopped you, Link would probably be in a hospital bed right now. That's intense Ricky." I explained thoroughly. His eyes never left mine, it showed me that he was taking in every word I was saying.
"I'm sorry." He said and I nodded my head and looked everywhere except him. The feelings I was experiencing for Ricky felt unusual, like I shouldn't be feeling them. It was so foreign. "I don't want you to be afraid of me, I'm not gonna hurt you Ali."
"I don't know what you're capable of, what you did tonight was serious. Would you have done it if it was someone else?"
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"Say it was Mandy who was in my shoes having the same situation. Would you have the same reaction?"
He pressed his lips together, "Of course not."
His voice was hard, he was trying to make a point. "I don't feel for Mandy what I feel for you. You think I tell Mandy all about my fucked up life? No, I tell you because I trust you. Do you think I care about Mandy the way I care for you-"
"I get it Ricky fine." I dismissed him and stood up to return the ice pack to the freezer. My demand was pointless, he just continued.
"Do you think Mandy is constantly in my head, the thing I think about the most. No, she's not, because you are."
I halted my walking, attempting to process his words. I turned slowly to look at him. He stood from the sofa and took a few steps towards me.
"You're that person Alice. It's you, it'll always be you." My lips parted, I was shocked that he was here just pouring out his feelings like it was the easiest thing on the planet.
"You're a drug Ali, and I'm an addict."
My mind was blank, I had no clue what to say to him. I've never experienced something like this, I was oblivious.
"I didn't know you felt that way." I managed out, he licked his lips. "I don't know what to say, I- I don't know."
"Something Ali, anything. I'll put it together for you." He was close now, his hands running up and down my arms.
"I've never done this before, I've never felt what I feel for you."
"I haven't either."
"I've never had someone care about me the way you do. I mean, Theo's never broken someone's nose for me." I let out a light laugh and the corners of his mouth lifted.
"I can promise you, I will never put my hands on you in a way that fears you. If anything I'll protect you from those who do. You'll never experience the pain your parents caused, as long as I've got you."
I let out a shaky breath as tears threaten to fall from my eyes. I gave in. I fell into his arms as tears because to stream down my cheeks. I clung onto him and he reacted without any hesitation; wrapping his arms around me in the most comforting way. He hadn't talked about my parents since I mentioned them that one night, a part of me was glad that he didn't. Although now that he has, I feel like a barrier has fallen between us.
I never cried often, even when I felt pain or sadness. Ricky gave me reassurance that I didn't know I need. I was relieved, so relieved that I had finally broke down. I felt safe, like nothing could hurt me in his arms.
I used to hate people like this. Those who were able to share their feelings and confine in people. I think now I just envy them because they always had what I secretly wanted. They had someone. Theo felt like a safe place but there was always something missing that I couldn't figure out. Then Ricky came along and completely new feelings began to spark within me. Now here I am, in Ricky's arms sobbing out a damn ocean.
"You're okay, you're okay baby. I've got you." Ricky whispered and ran his fingers through my hair.
"I'm s-sorry I just n-needed to-"
"I know, I know." He cooed softly. "I'm proud of you."
My breathing eventually calmed. I let out a few shaky breaths and pulled myself away from Ricky's hold. He wiped the tears off my face.
"You look like a raccoon." He said. I let out an ugly laugh and he just smiled at me.
"Thank you." I finally breathed out and gave him a look full of sincerity. I needed to break down, I needed to let everything out. I had so much trauma and vulnerability trapped inside me since childhood and I finally allowed myself to be broken about it, I finally accepted it. I allowed myself to cry about it. And it was a relief, I was at ease.
"C'mon," Ricky reached to hold my hand. "Let's go for a smoke."
A/N
*sigh* i want a boyfriend
