In The Wilderness

Chapter 1: You're So Malandi

Savannah Lewinsky

I breathe in the smell of earth as I rest my back against the thick and tall yellow quaking aspen tree, or also known as populus tremoloides. It's a tree commonly found in southwestern region of America. And no, I am not a genius who knows random facts about trees, it's just that I'm a forestry major. It's not typical that you hear a college kid majoring in that field, usually it's nursing, about medicine, engineering, and even architecture. I am really convinced that the people who have those majors have their shït together. Because when you talk to them, they either wanna save lives or build a masterpiece.

Well, I wanna do neither of those. I majored in forestry because I love the forests and the wilderness.There is something about the trees, and the greeneries that really drew me in. Maybe because they make the air that we breathe in better, or probably because when I am around mother nature's greens, I just feel at peace. There is also something so soothing about being away from the crowd and from the loud noises of the city.

Like right now, I took another deep breath and looked around. It's late February, and it's winter time. The skies were gloomy and the cold wind was seeping through my thick jacket. My professor for this block didn't conduct a class simply because it was the last one and a half week of school. Instead of spending my free time indoors, I decided to go here in the campus recreation field near the engineering building. I can see a lot of students hanging out on the other side, giggling and laughing with their group of friends. They're probably talking about studying abroad or taking a gap year to travel before they join the workforce. I wanna travel too someday, of course, outside of America.

My mom got pregnant when she was still in college. My grandparents didn't take it well and basically disowned her for being a 'disgrace.' Instead of being discouraged, my mom moved out and got a job. She worked and studied, all the while being pregnant. Once she finished her degree, she looked for an overseas job. She said, I was about two when she found a corporate job here in the U.S. She took me with her and never looked back. So, basically Colorado na ang nakagisnan kong tahanan. So, syempre, kung magta-travel ako ay gusto ko sa ibang lugar naman. At oo marunong akong mag-tagalog, dahil sinigurado ng nanay ko na hindi ko makakalimutan ang roots ko. I am a full-blooded Filipino, and yet may white-person-sounding last name ako, dahil noong ten years old ako ay may nakilala si nanay na mabait at disenteng lalaki.

His name was Brandon and he was good. I was eleven when they got married. He legally became my father, treated me like I'm his own, and he was a very amazing step-dad. Until life decided to fück it up, and he died of a cardiac arrest. My mom was devastated but life goes on, until life eventually caught up to her when I turned eighteen, she died of breast cancer.

My life is morbid, and why would I find someone to fück me, if life fücks me hard enough, am I right?

Anyway, after my mom died, she left me an insurance money for my studies. She saved that up ever since I was a kid, because she knew how much I love forests and that I would get a degree that studies it.

My heart aches for a moment as I remember her sweet smile and her kind eyes.

However, I didn't use that money for my schooling, dahil kinailangan ko na bayaran ang mga nautang namin para sa chemo at medications niya. Hindi kasi sumapat 'yung naiwan na life insurance ng step-dad ko at ang pera mula sa health insurance ni Nanay, because in here, health care is not free and mostly accesible for the rich, welcome to the United States.

Still, that wasn't enough, I had to sell the house I grew up in to fully pay the debt. I didn't have to worry about tuition because I had a full ride because of my high grades. But the miscellaneous expenses are no joke so I still had to juggle two jobs. Luckily, I was able to do that for four years, because now I'm twenty-two and about to graduate in less than two weeks.