In The Wilderness

Chapter 23: You Dirty, Dirty Marupok!

Savannah

When I opened my eyes the next morning, the coldness of the spot where Silas slept last night met my skin, instead of his warm and hard body. Somehow, I felt a twinge of disappointment that he left the bed early.

Napailing naman ako sa isiping iyon. That is just downright crazy.

Dahan-dahan ko naman na iniunat ang aking katawan habang ramdam ko ang liwanag na tumatagos sa mga dingding na gawa sa glass. Nakahawi na sa magkabilang mga gilid ang makapal na kurtina kaya naman kita ko ang napakagandang tanawin sa labas. The moutains were lush with orange and green colors, meanwhile the tops were covered with white snow caps due to the flurries that were falling from the sky. The dark green tall trees that surrounded the hills were also peppered with white ice.

I gave myself a few moments to disconnect from my reality and stared at the beauty that dear mother nature has offered.

When I finally glanced at the bedside table, a yellow sticky note caught my eye. Napaupo naman ako at inabot iyon. It was a note from Silas saying that he's in the house office, which is located at the right wing of the house.

I silently gripped the note in my hand as the events of last night had flashed in my mind.

Last night honestly felt like a fever dream.

He told me that he wanted me to teach him how to love me. It's something that no man has ever asked me before. Well, it wasn't like I had a lot of relationships then. The high school and college boys that I have been around with, have never asked me that. It's either they'd ask me if I was DTF or was I down to party with them on Friday nights and eventually hoókup.

Of course, I had always said 'no' because I have never seen the appeal of it. I found the gesture immature and honestly thought that it would be a waste of time. Instead, I'd spent my free nights working or watching my favorite shows. I honestly don't know where other college kids find the energy and time to still party on Friday nights, props to them because I didn't–—but that's beside the point.

The point is, I never had a significant relationship with any older men aside from Silas. He was my first. First one to have my cherry, the first one to astound me with his concept of 'love', and the first to ask me about how I want to be loved.

I don't know how to properly answer that...

...I never had the chance to actually think about how I wanna be loved, because Rence wasn't exactly the best boyfriend. Looking back, our relationship mostly consisted of his lies, gaslighting, more lies, broken promises, and more lies again.

I don't want to suffer that kind of hell again and all I want is someone who won't do that to me for the second time around. In short, I want the bare minimum that my ex never had.

Silas is anything but bare minimum.

I don't think that there is an exact word to describe him. He's this hot older man who took an interest in me. He was supposed to know things more than me about relationships. He was the one who's supposed to have more knowledge, and expertise in this matter, I suppose, and yet he asked me.

Which begs the question; what has he been doing for many years that he didn't know how to 'properly' or 'normally' love someone?

The mafia that he was talking about, I suppose.

I sighed heavily and shook my head.

God. It is barely ten in the morning and yet, my head is already aching from all the thoughts.