Stuck together (teacherxstudent)

Chapter 24

Izzie has never feared death. The thought of dying never scared her. In fact she spent most of her young life wishing she was dead. Fantasizing about how peaceful it must be to feel your body drain itself from the blood that is pumping through your veins, trying so hard to keep you alive. She pictured a certain rush of relief. An overwhelming reality of finally being free.

She'd imagine her lifeless body floating into thin air, fading into all the beautiful memories that made up her life. She'd feel numb, but not the kind of numb that left her staring at the ceiling until deep in the night wondering when it will ever get better. She'd imagine herself to be numb in a way she has always longed for. She'd finally be at peace.

She imagined herself exploding into a field of nothingness where suddenly the unknown wasn't so unknown anymore. Where not existing felt calm instead of terrifying.

In the midst of her body, that was quickly spewing out all the life she had left inside of her, falling to the floor she felt a tear roll down her cheek. She didn't know why she was crying. She was happy, was she not?

"Daddy!" Izzie giggled. "I've missed you, where have you been?" An innocent smile appeared on the 4 year olds face. She looked like the sun, beaming at finally seeing her father again after all this time.

She groaned. Continually fading in and out of consciousness. Her eyes more blurry everytime she tried to open them.

"I care about you." A voice the 19 year old recognized all too well echoed through the hallways of her mind. Izzie smiled at the familiar sound. "You have to let me go. You know that right? You have to let me go."

"Adrianna?" She had called out. "Are you here? Is anyone here?"

She didn't quite understand what was happening. To her it had felt like she was trapped inside her body. Her conscience mind awake while her body was paralyzed.

She tried to speak, she tried to call out to the only person who could help her, but the words were stuck in her mind. There was no one there. No one to help her. No one to hold her. She was alone.

She hadn't quite understood why her friend had hurt her. They were friends, they had fun together. He had felt like a breath of fresh air to her. Why did he hurt her? Why did he want her to die? Why did everyone in her life hurt her? Was she not good enough? Was there something so wrong with her that was so bad she deserved to die?

"You will do as I say, Izzie. I am your father. You will listen to me and obey. You are nothing without me remember that. I created you. You wouldn't be here without me. So be quiet and behave and do exactly as I say. Don't start screaming or crying because mommy will get mad at you if she hears you."

The 9 year old girl nodded and wiped away her tears that were silently falling down her cheeks. She had learned that behaving and listening to what her father had to say was easier than to fight him.

She had been laying on the cold hard floor for only a few minutes, but to her it had felt like hours. The peace she had felt for a quick second had faded as she realized she was in fact closer to death than she had ever been. There were still so many things she wanted to do. Places she wanted to visit. Foods she wanted to try. Movies she wanted to laugh at. People she wanted to meet. She wasn't done with being surrounded by nature all the time. She still needed to tell Adrianna how she felt. She had to hug Chelsea and Hazel. She promised Allie.

She wasn't ready to die.

She wanted to scream and beg for her life but the words didn't come out. She tried to move but her body was so drained of life it was impossible. She wanted to open her eyes and welcome the world again but she didn't know how. She was trapped in her mind while her body was bleeding out.

She tried her best to keep her eyes open so she could watch the sky from the big window. It looked so beautiful. To her it had felt like a portal to the universe. It was the only thing she had left.

"Don't let this hurt defeat you. Don't hold on to it to the point you are paralyzed. Let it hurt for a little, but don't forget to pick yourself up. Don't let it consume you."

She wished upon a shooting star. She felt how close she was to dying. She could feel it in her whole body. A shooting star was all she needed. She needed a sign from the universe that she was meant to live another day, so she waited. She waited while her eyes tried to keep her from looking up to the sky. She waited so patiently. She just needed to see one shooting star. Just one.

But no matter how hard she tried to keep her eyes from closing, she couldn't anymore. Her one plead to the universe went unanswered and all the energy she had left was used up and her eyes shut before a star could fall from above. She exhaled and with her whole being, she gave up.

Am I dying? I don't want to die.

What she didn't know was that when her eyes were shut despite her greatest efforts, a star just for her, fell down from the sky, taking it's last breath to give her another chance.

——————————————————————

A/N: 😶