Stuck together (teacherxstudent)

Chapter 36

At the beginning of my teenage years, I often found myself an observer rather than a participant. Friends, with stars in their eyes, dreamt aloud. Girls visualized themselves in busy hospitals and filled classrooms; boys imagined roaring engines on highways and racetracks. Each time they shared their aspirations, I'd respond with a shy, but warm smile. I smiled because there was nothing to be said by me. I genuinely believed I wouldn't cross the entrance to 16. After all, why plan a future you're convinced you won't be around to witness?

But then 16 quickly came and went, giving way to newer experiences and challenges. Still, in the back of my mind, I harbored a thought that perhaps 18 would be my finale. There was no way I would live past 18. There was no future for me here, right? How could someone like me expect to see another sunrise?

Yet time, in its relentless march, didn't stop for my uncertainties. Soon, 18 had come 19 dawned, and the conversations around me matured. Friends navigated through the mazes of college applications, careers, and life plans. They spoke passionately of establishing themselves in their chosen fields, of love, of starting families. Sometimes they'd cast curious glances my way, wondering about my dreams. With a hint of embarrassment, I'd admit my uncertainty. "You're young." They'd reassure. "There's plenty of time to find your path." They never truly grasped the void I felt within.

See, the cruel irony of my life is that I never crafted a vision for my future. Now, as I wade through my life, with the world expecting me to have a clear direction, I find myself struggling. It's as though I'm at a crossroads, surrounded by dense mist. I have this overwhelming desire to experience life's richness, but the roadmap to my own tomorrow seems smudged and unreadable. In a world where everyone seems to have a compass guiding them forward, why does mine always point to the unknown?

•

As graduation came closer, I dedicated myself completely to my studies. With just two weeks left of school before finals, the pressure weighed heavily on me. My commitment to graduating had intensified ever since the masquerade ball four weeks ago. During that period, I attended all my classes, faithfully completed my homework, and immersed myself in studying. However, I couldn't deny that this year had presented its fair share of challenges, putting me at a disadvantage.

"Ugh." I groaned. "I can't handle another minute of studying."

Adrianna, engrossed in her book on the bed, glanced up at me. "You've been doing so well. Come on, give it another shot for at least an hour."

"I need a break first." I sighed.

"Come sit." She gestured to the empty space beside her on the bed.

I crawled over and sprawled out next to her. "What are you reading?"

"'A Room of One's Own." She mumbled while turning the page.

"Who's the author?"

"Virginia Woolf."

"I've heard she was an excellent writer."

"One of my favorites," Adrianna smiled.

"I'm bored." I nudged her. "Virginia Woolf can wait, I cannot."

With a quiet sigh and a creeping smile, she set her book down. "You can have 5 minutes, alright? Then it's back to studying, deal?"

"Deal." I nodded, resting my head on her shoulder.

We lay there for a moment, savoring the comfort of our bodies pressed together. The warmth radiating from her was the most reassuring sensation I had felt in a long time.

"So." Adrianna began. "Have you thought about what you want to do after graduation? Any colleges in mind?"

"Well." I hesitated. "I haven't really given it much thought. It just hasn't been on my mind."