Pretending (Westshore Series #1)

Chapter Forty - Chocolate Cake

Winter break was almost over. Today was Christmas eve and then next week we would be going back to the dorms for the second semester. I was excited to go back, having Abby, Winston and Adam come last weekend made me realize how much I preferred living with my friends. Although I would miss having Maggie around, I would even miss Kenji's annoying presence even though I would never tell him that. I also miss my friends because when I am alone with my mom I tend to resort to old bad habits. Warner couldn't always be around to take my mind off things.

I was stupid to think all my problems would be gone. As soon as my friends went back to their hometowns for Christmas I was back to the negative thoughts. My mom had spent all week instilling fear in me for Christmas dinner. Of how I couldn't 'pig out' just because it was a holiday.

Holidays were already a trigger because I associated them with food. Not just food but overeating to the point of sickness. This time last year I would've been in bed surrounded by chocolate wrappers.

So, it certainly didn't help me to have my mom in my ear giving unsolicited advice. Including making me wear a tight dress to Warner's parents' Christmas eve party tonight so I wouldn't be tempted to 'eat too much'. To my mom's dismay, Warner had been over almost every day this week and he always came over with one of my favourite Christmas treats. We would study every morning and then do a fun Christmassy activity in the evening. Yesterday we went ice skating, watched Christmas movies and burnt Christmas cookies I refused to eat. It felt nice having all this time with him.

My mom convinced me to throw out the majority of the treats he brought but sometimes Warner would stay and look at me with puppy dog eyes until I tried what he brought. I was convinced he could read my mind or had cameras somewhere. Because when he would ask if I enjoyed the chocolate, he brought he looked at me like he knew it was in the garbage bin or dropped off at Maggie's house.

I loved Christmas and one of my favourite parts of Christmas was stuffing my face full of food, so I was sad to be missing out this year.

You don't have to miss out I heard Warner's voice in my head and rolled my eyes. Great, he has somehow broken into my mind.

"Juliet are you ready?" my mom calls from downstairs. To my dismay, she was also attending Tracey and Matt's fancy Christmas party. That meant she would be keeping an eye on me all night, and not in a normal motherly way where she tries to keep Warner from impregnating me. No, she was more concerned about me grabbing seconds at dinner.

I flatten my dress against me, I wore the one my mom picked out. The tight one that would 'show everything I ate' according to her and motivate me to stay on track. A few months ago, I would've done it without hesitation, but I was starting to have doubts. Doubts if I could do this my whole life. Never enjoy another Christmas because I was too focused on how I looked and what I could eat.

When we arrived at Warner's house I already felt out of place. We were surrounded by Tracey and Matt's rich influential friends. Tesla's, range rovers and other luxury cars surrounded us. I knew my mom noticed as well by the way she clutched the hand brake to park. My mom was a single mom and although she liked to pretend that she was a part of her friend group by joining the expensive yoga classes and buying the expensive juice cleanses she would never truly be part of it. I felt bad for her, that she wanted to fit in so badly she would work multiple jobs and paint herself as something she wasn't. But then I remembered that she took it out on me, and I didn't feel as bad.

"Now these are my friends in there, so be less-" she pauses and looks me over "well you know".

I grimace. "No, I don't know what you mean. Be less me?"

She groans as if I was being a brat. "You know what I mean Juliet. Nights like this mean a lot to me, and a year ago I would've never been able to bring you to something like this. I have a reputation to uphold, and you haven't exactly helped it."