Pretending (Westshore Series #1)

Chapter Forty-Three : I Love You

I made an appointment with the therapist Warner gave me. Her name was Kendra Collins and from what I could find on the internet she seemed like a nice lady.

At first, I told myself I was going out of curiosity. When that got harder to believe, I said I was going for Warner and my friends. If going to a couple of therapy sessions eased their worries, it was a small price to pay. Of course, I would go.

But as the appointment drew nearer, I started thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't go. It was a waste of time. How could a complete stranger help me with something I have struggled with my whole life?

In the end, I went to the appointment anyway.

I was in a waiting room, a space which held an uncomfortable-looking couch, a side table and a bookshelf. I hovered feeling like some sort of intruder. But I couldn't leave now. I walked to the couch and sank down on the cushions which were just as uncomfortable as they looked.

A few seconds later the office door opened. Two people come through, a man and a woman, The man gives me a polite smile and leaves to the outer door. I refocus on the woman, and she turns to me, still standing in the doorway.

Kendra Collins is petite. Her dark hair is secured in a knot at the back of her head, and her cheeks and eyelashes are free of makeup. She wears a white blouse, a pencil skirt, and heels.

"Juliet?" she smiles at me, and I stand up. She takes a few steps and holds out her hand. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Kendra."

After shaking her hand, she leads me into her office and shuts the door, gesturing to the elegant furniture set on one side of the room. "Please, sit anywhere you'd like."

There are two plush chairs facing an elegant sofa. After a moment, I head for one of the chairs and sit down awkwardly. This feels like some sort of interrogation.

"You're not on trial here," Kendra says gently, and my shoulders relax. I guess I look as nervous as I feel

"It's only our first session. We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to." She smiles and I try to get more comfortable in the chair.

We talk about everything but the reason that I am here. She asks me questions about cheerleading and my favourite tv shows. She asks me if I have any siblings or anyone special in my life. Just when I think this is just going to be a get-to-know-you session because there isn't much time left she shatters my false sense of security with a single question. "How long have you struggled with your eating disorder?" she asks me.

It was the first time I'd been asked this question directly. Unable to meet her eyes anymore, I transfer my gaze to her slicked hair. "I never used to think about my weight or what I looked like as a kid. I never noticed I was any different from the other kids until they pointed it out."

I stop, remembering the first time one of my classmates had pointed my weight out. Everyone was giving each other piggybacks at recess. It was my turn to get one and all of the kids fought over who would pick me up because none of them wanted to. I remember one of the boys said I was too heavy, and we should skip my turn.

Kendra looks like she wanted me to continue so I do. "I guess as soon as other kids pointed it out, I started to notice it more. As I got older, the more comments people made. But I didn't do anything about it till last year."

"What do you mean by 'did something about it?" she asks, holding her notepad and writing something down.

"I started trying to lose the weight."

"Did any particular incident trigger this change in attitude?"

I thought of my mom and how much she wanted me to get in shape. I thought of Sierra and how horrible she treated me. I thought of the night of the pool party.