Pretending (Westshore Series #1)

Chapter Sixty One: Goodbye

****NOT EDITED

I spend two whole days talking to various therapists and doctors to talk about the inpatient care house. Kendra sat down with me for hours as we went through pictures of it, how it would work and what my options were.

I was released from the hospital hours ago but I couldn't find the courage to go back to the dorms. Every time I tried to leave I pictured my friend's faces, the disappointment on them when they see me. The shame I feel every time they look at me.

And Warner.

It felt like everyone was giving up on me. Like they were sending me away because they couldn't deal with me anymore. I was abandoned by my father before I could walk, I was abandoned by my mom for being a disappointment and now it felt like I was being abandoned by my friends and boyfriend because I was too messed up to stay.

Kendra said it was the best thing for me but what if they all forgot about me? What if I'm sent away and they all realize how much better their lives are without me?

These are the thoughts that plague my mind as I sit on a bench outside the hospital.

I don't realize that the spot next to me has been taken until a hand squeezes my shoulder. A second later an arm is wrapped around me, and I'm squeezed between two friends.

"We thought you were coming home hours ago." Abby scans me head to toe.

"I tried...I just—" my words falter and Sarah gives me a reassuring squeeze. She is not one for comforting others so it meant a lot coming from her.

"It's okay. We are here," Abby puts her hand on top of Sarah's.

"For as long as you need." Sarah nods.

We sit there in silence for a while, both of them holding onto my hand. Neither of them pressures me to get up or talk and it's nice to sit with my friends for a while. It gives me the courage to say what I've been worrying about.

"Am I...Am I too much?" I whisper into the air but I know they both hear me.

"What do you mean?" Abby asks.

"Are you guys trying to send me away because I'm too much? Because you don't want to deal with me anymore? ...Are you mad at me?" I squeak out, unable to look at them.

I hear a small gasp and Sarah's fingers tighten around mine. "Look at me, Juliet." She tells me, her voice stern and when I look at her she lightly holds my chin up.

"You are not too much. You are strong and you are an amazing friend to all of us. We want you to go to inpatient care because we want you to get better. We want you to be able to focus on yourself instead of putting everyone else above you." She releases my chin and Abby continues where she leaves off.

"Nobody is mad at you. We just all want you to get better and if all of the professionals are saying that this is what is best for you then, of course, we are on board. You have been such an amazing friend to all of us but it's time you start helping yourself the way you help us. But to be clear are never getting rid of us! You hear me?" Abby is full-on crying now and even Sarah has a tear falling down her face.

"I Just—I feel like I failed."

Sarah squeezes me tight, "You didn't fail Juliet, there's no shame in needing help. That's what those services are there for. You've suffered immense trauma over the past few months—not just the incident in the parking lot, but your own mother's bullying. It's all so much... so heavy."

"Do you guys really think I can get better there? Away from everyone?" I ask them, feeling a tear run down my own face.

"It'll be hard at first," Abby tells me, "But I know you can do it. We all believe in you." Abby rubs my back, and I spin to face her fully. She looks at me with more concern than I thought possible.