stars | park sunghoon ✔

twenty-five ; if comfort was a person.

☆★

heartbreak comes in different forms, shapes, and sizes. different intensities. different reasons. different causes.

ahn seola's first heartbreak happened in her second year of middle school.

the time where she had let down everyone who told her they rooted for her, that they trusted her.

it wasn't even the feeling of losing that hurted. it was the disappointment at one's self that weighed more than any other disappointment attained from other people.

at that point and age, seola already had herself envisioned and embedded in her heart, soul, and brain. naivety told her that she already figured out who she was. she who sees herself without fault in her imagination. but it is also she who fails to keep the 'her' she had envisioned personally.

they say first heartbreaks hurt, and she would be lying if she said it still didn't sting despite it being years ago.

she liked it when people tried, and tried, and tried until they succeeded. they were the people she respected, in awe at. because how could people still find the will to try, try, and try even after they keep on failing?

and how come, like them, she also tried, tried, and tried but only found herself tired of constant trying and falling?

the heartbreak weighed her hand holding her brush, trampled with the remaining hope she had. hence, when her brush dropped to the ground due to the immense weight, she no longer picked it up and tried again.

on a fateful day, a fateful evening rather, wherein kang taehyun was standing by her doorstep, she was handed another brush.

"join us in the workshop."

seola blinked her eyes slowly, trying to process everything he said a millisecond ago, "again?" she said, eyes pleading.

"i said," taehyun patiently repeated, "join me and beomgyu hyung for this art workshop in our school. it's a two week long workshop. sessions takes place in the afternoon after classes in our school."

her heart dropped. "why.." seola shook her head, either in disbelief or confusion. "why do you want me to join?"

"because you're good at what you do?"

"still," she sighed, "i can't."

taehyun gave her a sidelong stare. his eyebrow rose as he crossed his arms on his chest and sneered, "are you refusing because of your boyfriend?" underneath the moonlight shine, he asked.

"never. he has nothing to do with this."

half-convinced, he looked at her suspiciously with an eyebrow still raised in her direction. she massively rolled her eyes, "i don't see how you connected my boyfriend and my art. they're two completely different things i love."

he seemed to be taken-aback by her answer. it must be the usage of 'love' that got him to do a double take. nonetheless, he recovered. taehyun nodded, "okay, okay, i'm sorry for bringing up the love of your life," he chuckled. "just give me a reason why you can't."

"i don't know," she already knew why. the reasons were already laid in front of her, waiting to be addressed.

"just.. internal conflict. give me a couple of days."

☆★

too much, was too much.

bottling up emotions was easy. stuffing them all inside one tightly shut bottle inside yourself was easy. keeping it closed was not. making sure the cork or the stopper holding her bottle would persist and resist was not. she feared. she feared her little bottle of emotions was about to burst anytime soon.